So HE does not know about the GPS and the VAR, right?

WHEN did you tell all your family and friends? What was the date?

Did you tell your children?

He does not know about gps or recorder. My son is installing them inside car with Velcro

I found out on Thursday July 14th. I told all AGAIN personally including my 3 adult children. They have talked to him wanting answers.

What else can I do to find the truth?

Just so you know, I never exposed to OW's colleagues or friends because I was scared. My husband said he'd never reconcile with me if I told any of her friends. 5 years ago I did tell all of our family, friends and children immediately, unfortunately I kept her secret for her. I'm no longer so scared.

I have been reading Marriage Builders for the last 5 years

Good girl!!

You have paid dearly for enabling his affair by keeping his secret. Glad you caught on finally!! It is always a bad idea to allow a cheater to threaten you into silence because the whole point of secrecy is intended to protect the affair.

WHICH BOOK?

Listening to the radio, reading discussion forum, read Surviving an Affair, His Needs, Her Needs

With all my heart, I regret not exposing the affair to her colleagues and friends. Tonight I am ready to step up to the plate and I will send the letters via Facebook PM spaced out every minute. I want that woman to regret she ever hooked up with my husband.

I have tried confronting her at her condo but she won't open the door. She is very condescending to me as if I have wronged her!!!

Will you get the new version of Surviving an Affair? You can download it on kindle for PCs and read it. Dr Harley rewrote it a couple of years back. Here is the checklist from that book:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

You are doing great!! Bravo to you!

The worse part of the exposure is no response from any of her friends. I mailed out 10 letters to the Board of Directors and tonight I have sent out 20 PM to Facebook friends.

My husband confessed to me the gifts he has given her. I wanted them back. She has so many more Facebook friends I could keep on going. I feel frustrated as not one person has emailed or called me back.

Where do I go from here. She is a professional ice skater. I know where she teaches. Shall I confront her or just let it go????

I am broken hearted that my husband would do this to me again. I don't believe a word that comes out of my husband's mouth. What am I to do if I still want to save my marriage? I am lost now. Exhausted.

Just keep exposing.


NO, he should never ever have any contact with her again other than to send her the no contact letter. Has he sent that yet?



He didn't do it to you again; he never STOPPED doing it. His affair never stopped. If you want to save your marriage, you will need to implement extraordinary precautions to make sure this never happens again.

here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Shall I send the letter together with him although we already called her together?

Also when I said I wanted the gifts returned, I had told her to make a meeting place with my adult son

If you say so, I will continue Facebook exposure. She has 1000 friends. I have only sent to 20.

What questions shall I ask on polygraph?

Are the items family heirlooms or something valuable that you want them? These items will be triggers for you. Even if you do get them, you will then need to get rid of them after.

What was the call about? What was said?


What do you plan on doing with this garbage???


Be more strategic. Prioritize your list with family first and then married friends. Add those to the list who seem to be on her facebook page alot. If you can get to 80 ppl, that would be a great achievement.


FIRST, you need to write out as many questions as possible BEFOREHAND, such as:

1. when was the last time they had sex
2. where they met
3. what they did together
4. every communication method they used
5. did they use protection
6. outline of all their trysts, giving dates, where they met, what they did, etc. you need a timeline
7. has he ever had other affairs in your marriage

These are some critical questions you should ask - think it over carefully and add to the list as you see fit. HE SHOULD ANSWER ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS RIGHT AWAY, WELL BEFORE THE TEST.

Please listen carefully so you completely understand what I am saying, most people do not understand this strategy and get confused: give him this long list of questions 2-3 days BEFORE the test and tell him he has one last chance to come clean before the test. Tell him you will not tell him which questions will be on the test but you fully expect him to PASS THE TEST. You will only be able to ask 2-3 true/false questions on the test so this strategy will allow you get the truth BEFORE the test. Do you understand?

On July 14, Dday #2, he said continuing his relationship with her, was providing minimal satisfaction. He said she has moved on and mostly it's more about what he can do for her. Ex- he did mechanical work in her motorcycle, car, gave her gifts and money.

He agreed to call her after I pushed him. I dialed the number. She didn't pick up. He left the message say he loved means wanted to make our marriage work.

I wanted the "garbage" for the personal satisfaction that she wouldn't have it.

It is difficult to be more strategic as far as Facebook goes. I coped contacts, but I can no longer see who "liked" her postings.

However, she is president of a professional organization. I sent the 10 letters to the Board of Directors. I do have access to the other 20 general members. Shall I send out those 20 letters right now.

I understand what you want me to do with polygraplh. I've been working on all the questions to ask him knowing that in the true test there will only be 2 or 3 questions asked by the examiner.

I love him still