YES, get this wrapped up tonight.


Good girl! And don't sit there and discuss this with him. Hand him the list of questions and ask him to go into a another room in the house and write out the answers.

You need to know everything about the affair, how they met, who called, where they met, everything.

Ok. I wrote out 50 questions. He is a answering them. Scheduling polygraph for Tuesday

Right now sending all the rest of the letters to the members of organization where she is president.

Shall I confront her this week where she teaches ice skating or just let it go so nocontact includes me.

I have so much disgust for her and feel that she hasn't suffered for the 8 years she and my husband have been killing me.

Good girl! And you understand you need all these answers well before the test, right? You can then assess his answers and focus on the ones you question for the polygraph test. You will have to decide what 2-3 questions you want asked on the test.


Good girl!! Does he know you are doing this?


I don't see any point in it. It will just be stressful for you with no benefit. No contact does not necessarily include you but in this case, there is no point in visiting that hoe.

My concern is that all avenues of contact are closed down. As it is now, she can come to his shop, right? Does he have a landline at the shop he can use to call her? How will you ENSURE contact never takes place again?

Once you go through the checklist and finish exposures and implement extraordinary precautions, you will need to focus 100% on creating a romantic, passionate marriage. Did you get Surviving an Affair?

My husband does NOT know I am exposing. Turns out there are 150 members. I am sending them letters because website doesn't list emails but does list business addresses.

She can no longer go to his shop. We are both retired and go most places together.

My husband is asleep. 10:30pm. Ca time. My son is here installing gps and voice activated recorder totally unbeknownst to my husband.

We have T mobile and my son has notifications sent to me every single hour as to the location of iPhone. Of course, if iPhone is shut off , it won't work.

I have read Survivinf an Affair several times.

I got one response from a well known Olympic retired figure skater who is her friend. Says she doesn't want to be invoked. Ignore or ask her to please intervene???

Otherwise, no messages from the other 29 exposure targets. She has not even tried reaching my husband to vent. Why not???

Please let me know what else to do. I'm scared that he will feel I'm not worth the hassle. He doesn't seem to be in the pain that I am experiencing. I've lost 8 pounds in one week and have a hard time having believing anything he says. He did answer the 50 questions and is ready for the polygraph on Tuesday

I will not confront her in person but feel so much animosity that they both fooled me for so long. I pray for strength to not forgive but institute extraordinary precautions.

I will also email Joyce at marriage builders as I'm so sad and feel overwhelmed. The only thing that makes me feel better is exposing her.

I remember one board member asked as last question on the polygraph "did you answer all questions on the list truthfully".

Thank you goody 2 shoes. All advise is appreciated. I am so sad and wounded but have been working on my exposure letters for a few hours

I would also get webwatcher spyware on his iphone. Can your son do that?


Do you have the new version that has the checklist on page 67?


Ignore


She will.


This is exactly what has kept you in a bad marriage for many years. If he will not do absolutely everything to give you just compensation, then he is not the hassle. You have been emotionally wrecked for many years, unless something happens to change his reckless and thoughtless behavior you are better off leaving the marriage. Dr Harley does not recommend staying in an abusive unhappy marriage. Your husband has made you extremely unhappy for a very long time.


Did they seem to be truthful answers?


If your husband will give you just compensation and a happy, satisfied marriage, you will be happy and you won't feel such hate. He will have to step up to the plate.

Here you go. Polygraph Testing

Did they seem to be truthful answers?

The answers to polygraph questions: seem to be truthful as he has told me things he has never told me. This morning I will try to schedule the polygraph for tomorrow afternoon.

I will look into webwatcher.

The gps phone and VAR are installed in the 2 cars he tends to drive the most.

I have the new version of Surviving an Affair which has the checklist on page 67.

I have put 30 snail mail letters to mail first thing this morning. I still have 110 more to prepare. Addressing the snail mail letter, etc. I do not have their emails.

He says he is so sorry, but I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. I need comfort from him. He does do that at times--hugs me and says he will show me truthfulness from here on out.

During this time, am I still supposed to be in Plan A. I do cook for him and talk to him respectfully, seldom cry, but I can't get myself to tell him "I love you" back to him when he says it to me.

Help me understand how I should behave with him the next few days. Am I to be sweet, loving and kind even though I feel tremendous anger from the answers he gave on polygraph questions. I haven't shown the anger to him, but it hurts so bad to know he bought gifts for me AND BOUGHT THE EXACT SAME GIFTS FOR ME!!!! How cruel and unimaginative.

After the polygraph, am I not supposed to discuss the affair again. Is my goal to follow checklist on page 67.

From his responses to the 50 polygraph questions, it sounds that she has been using him for what he could do for it. One of the polygraph questions was has he touched her in any way in the last 5 years. He adamantly wrote down, that in the last 5 years, he held her hand when they went to the restaurants and that he did kiss her, but says that in the last 5 years there has been no sex--oral, anal, hand jobs, blow jobs or vaginal intercourse. He says he is so sick of the lying.

I find that hard to believe, but says he will past the polygraph.

Thank you for giving me advice. I can talk with my family, but they haven't read Marriage Builders so my kids can't understand why I would want to give him another chance. I feel so alone except when I hear from Forum Members.

Thank you Brainy for polygraph link,

I will try and work on the other 100 letters to finish exposure. We are together practically all the time, but I do think he will be outside doing yardwork so I can finish exposure.

Do I write too much?

I tried doing the quote thing so you would know what questions I'm answering, but I can't figure it out.

You are in plan recovery.


No lovebusters, but you can let him know how devastated and hurt you are. Plan A has nothing to do with being fake. It only means you avoid lovebusters and do your best to meet his needs.


Right, you don't discuss it as long as you a) have all the information and b) as long as nothing NEW comes up. If something new comes up, then you might need to discuss it.


So the answer is YES, he did touch her. And is lying about the extent of sexual contact. Expect him to confess this before the polygraph. You should be telling him that this is his last chance to confess it all and that he had better pass the test. Remind him it is time to get it all out NOW while he has a chance. It will come out eventually, if he wants to save his marriage it needs to come out now.


Absolutely not! You are clear and concise and ask good questions. I know it hurts today, but it won't hurt a year from now if you can follow this program to the letter. You are doing great!

Click the "quote" button at the bottom of the post you want to reply to and it will quote that post. You can then delete any verbiage you want to delete. You end each quote with "[/quote]"

Today, I have managed to send out 40 letters with a photo of my husband and I. I've had to handwrite envelopes because I don't have email addresses of the members of this association. I am going to the post office now and am using one of my husband's 2 cars that he tends to drive. He has not gone out today so I want to see if the gps and VAR work. My son installed them last night after my husband went to bed.

I still have 110 more letters to send out by hand. Strategically, I feel should she would be most shamed by revealing her affair to these people since she is pres of this chapter.

The problem with Facebook is that although I copied their names, she has 1000 contacts and I only knew 20 that often "liked her comments". She was adopted and has no relatives or other adopted siblings.So I would just randomly picking "friends" to expose to.

The polygraph is scheduled for 2 pm tomorrow. I will try and post the 3 questions and get your feedback.

I will have to try and work on the letters when he goes to bed. What else should I be doing? Im looking into "webwatcher"

My stomach is in knots.

you are doing great!! Just stick with this plan. Once this is all over, you can move onto next steps and that is rebuilding your marriage and making it affair proof and romantic. We can help you with that.

I get to ask 3 yes or no questions on the polygraph although I've asked him more than 60 which he SAYS he has answered honestly (but I am of the belief if his lips are moving, he's lying).

What do any of you think about these 3 questions:

1. Do you love OW?

2. Since Day Day #1 in 2011, have you had sex at any time--oral, anal, hand jobs, or intercourse, heavy petting. (he has already admitted to holding hands and tongue kissing) from Nov 1, 2011 to the present

3. Have you had an emotional and/or sexual affair besides XXXXX (the only OW I know about) ANY time during our 30 year marriage.

I really want to use this opportunity to the best advantage. Please help me select the best 3 questions.

I know I may talk tough about what Im doing but I'm still so scared. I want to be loved and cherished and many times feel embarassed that I can still love this person that has hurt me so badly for 8 years.

I thought I would ask him to handwrite the No Contact letter tomorrow if he passes the polygraph.

Please help me with the questions.

Strike this one. The answer is yes. You need to stick to factual questions.


I am not sure what the 3rd question should be. Let me think about it. Maybe others have some ideas.

Thanks, Melody. Hopefully others can help me question #3.

I just don't know how I can get past his loving her still TODAY. Not only is she a tramp. I keep asking him what emotional need is she feeling. Is it possible that he doesn't really know. He seems to tell me other things which are sooooo painful for me to hear. But he can't seem to articulate, what it is about her that he gladly risked all we've built together for 30 years. He has been lying to me for 8 years and yet he can't tell me what need. He says it wasn't sexual intercourse because he was happy just to see her, hold her hand and french kiss her.

How can I understand? I'm going crazy. The only thing that keeps me sane is exposing her. I got 3 messages from Facebook that 3 people accepted my message, but 2 didn't reply and another said she wants to stay out of it.

Out of the 10 Board Members, NONE bothered calling my cell phone. What are they thinking. Do you think they are questioning OW at all. I truly believe she has not yet contacted my husband.

Make sure to inform any HR department if they have one.

The 3rd question should be: did you answer all my questions truthfully?

Most agents have agreed to a code of ethics. You could look into a complaint with the governing board or state licensing. Having an affair with a married client is not ethical and casts a shady light on the profession. Just a thought.