Thank you for the information. But in "Spooning" It is like that but I keep my distance, basically just hugging from the rear. I guess it could be sexual. But I do see your point. Thank you! My wife had an episode just like the one you are describing from a councilor, which is one of the main reason she refuses to seek help.

Thank you for this! As Marcos has stated several times earlier in this thread, I need to do as the program states and stop trying to use my own way. You are 100%! Thank you! This is tough beyond anything I could have imagined.

A counsellor assaulted her?

Yes, and we tried to seek legal action but needed to gain evidence. PI we hired and lawyer were a joke and it fell through when the psyc got suspicious. Either way, she refuses to have any help in the mental health field now. There was also a perv in her family when she was young... Point is, you helped open my eyes and I have already talked to her and apologized. I have a hands off policy in place for now... But I will continue to ask her daily...

Hey all!

Trying to woo my wife isn't going to well. I was told last night that the things I am doing for her and trying to stay on top of things is getting annoying. She seems very aggravated most of the time and keeps her answers very short. When I ask whats wrong or if she is aggravated or mad at me, she says "no" as well as "I don't want to talk to you".

I'm sorry to hear that things are not going well.

I'm having difficulty understanding your post. You say "I was told last night that the things I am doing for her and trying to stay on top of things is getting annoying" but also "When I ask whats wrong or if she is aggravated or mad at me, she says "no" " - so which is it? Did you she say that you are annoying, or not? If so, what things was she referring to? What are you doing that annoys her?

By the way, she's aggravated because she is in withdrawal, and still depressed. You don't seem to understand this.

I ask her if I have caused her to be aggravated or if I have done something to annoy her, she says no... Yet I ask her at other times if she likes my change or the things that I do for her, and she says that it annoys her or I'm Kissing her ***.
I do understand, it's just a hopeless feeling and gets rather frustrating. My brain works over time asking why and how...

Is she on some ADs while she goes through withdrawal?

Sounds like its going great.
After withdrawal comes conflict. This is when the wives have enough love bank units to come out swinging! They get annoyed because what you are doing is Working! So, they will try to say and do things to hurt you to get you to stop.

I would stop asking so much about her being annoyed or anything and just keep talking abut things she is interested in.

Just stay cool and keep going! When a man is wooing a WW, when she comes to conflict she does feel really annoyed by love so this is just par for the course and a great sign.

Yes, she is on 2 actually... But I'm still not convinced it's the right ones or dosage.

Interesting way of looking at this... I think you may be right. When I got home last night, I could tell that she was in a lull. So I pulled a chair up next to her and told her that I was concerned about how she feels. I let her know that even though she tells me nothing is wrong, I see it in her eyes, her voice, and her conversations. She wound up saying that she still doesn't want to be here. That she wants to get a job and move out. Save up and get a divorce. I listened and tried not to reply. But did say that I want her to stay, but if she wants to go, than I'll help where I can. She said that I am a weak man and always have been. I questioned this only asking why she felt like that. Almost all of it had to do with financial responsibility. Before the conversation was over, she said that she would think about joining Marriage Builders...

I've got a big weekend coming up. Her birthday is coming up and I have been asking her what she would like to do. She finally came back saying that she would like to wake up on the beach. I told her I would make it happen. Rented hotel room and it was her choice to leave the kids with grandma. Great for me I'm thinking this weekend is a great chance for me to add some EN deposits in her bank. That was until yesterday... I have not brought this up or expressed that I even know. But the OM messaged her and at first she did not reply. She let me see the message, but I noticed that the first chance she was alone long enough, she messaged him back but deleted their conversation leaving only the message from earlier. She also messaged her sister and deleted that conversation. I changed the location of the hotel and wanted to see the reaction... Today she messaged me rather rude and wanted the new name and address of the hotel we will be staying at. I tried to stall but she was even more aggravated by this. Watching her phone logs, there has been more activity today than for quite a while. I have asked her why she wanted to know and if she wanted someone to come with us this weekend. She said no reason, and no. My trust level is severely low right now. But I don't want to make any LBs or screw things up for this weekend. Should I keep this all to my self and suppress my anxiety for the unknown? or should I reveal my source and explain my boundaries again? The policy of brutal honesty has to be a mutual agreement, anything more than that would be me trying to force her into seeing things my way. I'm asking everyone here what their opinion of what I should do in this scenario?

I can't read back through your whole thread right now, so please remind me why he is able to reach her, and why her phone has not been changed - or even binned.

I can not see why WW needs to know this info hotel info now.

We are not in "Recovery". I'm trying to get to that point, but she is not on board yet. Every time I bring up the idea of changing her phone number, she says "no".

I don't either... Well now I do...

She finally told me last night that she "just can't keep a secret" and her cousin, trouble, will be meeting us at the beach. They share birthdays and spend most of them together. I'm fine with this, I just don't understand the secrecy.

I don't understand why you changed the hotel and did not tell her. Why did you change it, and why didn't you tell her? And why did you refuse to answer her direct question when she asked you?

What was rude about her asking? And why did you try to stall?

Because I had noticed that she was deleting texts again and sending the information that I was giving her to someone. I did find out last night that she was sending the information to her cousin, that they were trying to create a secret meeting. I did not pry or ask for the information, she just came out and told me.

It wasn't that I changed the hotel in response to anything, it was just that, when I reserved the hotel, the hotel I was going to get wasn't available any longer. so went with the one next door.

This weekend was absolutely beautiful! Her and I reconnected and romance was king. This is the model I would like to spend the rest of my life mimicking. Her love bank is no longer in the red but I realize that the romantic love threshold will fluctuate back and forth a few times... It is hard not to get my hopes up.

It's been forever and a day since I last posted here... Figured I would send a quick update....

2.5 years later, my wife and I are still together and doing well. The affair has completely ended and we are working well together.

It was wrough for a really long time. But it is getting easier.