Also, I have all of my contacts and most of his on my phone. I just have to go into our Verizon to get some of his friend's numbers. Some of his family I will email. I don't know her BS yet. I have to be sure it's the right woman. He's stopped using his phone to call, so I am not sure how to go about that if he is just texting and the iMessages aren't being recorded. I do have the FB list of the woman whom he had the two long convos with.

Ok, so I've listened to the recording from his room last night and there is nothing there. So I will place it again tonight. I ended up leaving the VAR in his car overnight and all day today, so I will remove it and listen to it tonight after he's gone to bed. I did end up driving by his friend's house, but it was later than I'd hoped and neither car was there. I did take a photo with a timestamp and email it to myself. However, when I got home with my son a couple hours later, he was there already and said he'd been home for a while. The timeline checked out and he had gone out to buy us homemade ice cream. I am going to wait and see what the tape might reveal. Thanks everyone for your help so far

Did you get a chance to check the mileage?

Remind me if he has a work phone or computer he uses? Do you have access to that?

No, I didn't get to check the mileage. He has a desktop computer at work, and he has a phone at work that he uses all day for phone calls. I have no access to either. his work is 1 hour away, is huge and you need an ID to get in. He will check his email from his cell phone and I'm sure he's checked it from my computer at some point, but that was before and now I don't know when the next time he will try to access it from my computer will be. My best bet is somehow getting into his phone, but I'm pretty sure his password is still changed. He uses touch ID and at one point added my sons print to it (because my son insisted), but he might have deleted it. Is it skeevy to try and get my son to use his finger print to open the phone :-P ? I don't know when I'd have access to it long enough, but that's all I can think of right now. My main reason for wanting the USB VAR was so I could put it in his briefcase and maybe hear his work convos.

No its not skeevy. It is skeevy to have an illicit affair while your wife is at home with your young child. It is skeevy to keep secrets from your wife and family. It is skeevy to make your wife go to extreme lengths to find out the truth about her life, and protect her marriage and family.

Let's keep skeevy in perspective here.

You are simply doing what you need to protect your marriage and family, and this includes your son.

This would be great if you can do it. I am quite certain since he knows you are suspicious and have tried to hack his phone, he is carrying on most if not all communications at work where you do not have access.

No I know you are right. The problem I'm having is he's still toting his phone around everywhere he goes. I haven't seen him typing in a password, but I believe he is just holding down his thumb and it is opening up the screen that way. I started listening to the recording from the car. I haven't had a chance to upload it to my computer I have to wait until he isn't home tomorrow. I didn't get a chance to replace the recorder in his car with the other one, I was just going to risk discovery and put one in his briefcase. I asked him on our way to our son's soccer practice if he still brings his briefcase in with him and he said yes, and I joked "even though you don't really use it?" and he laughed and said yes and joked about how he keeps his knife in there (former military, always has one on him), so he takes it in. I thought since he doesn't really use the briefcase I could just put the regular VAR in there. However when I left my room to go outside to put it in there, he came out of our bedroom, saying he heard noises. Unfortunately our bedroom is situated right next to the driveway and our cars are visible from the window (ranch). I was afraid he'd catch me if I tried to go out, especially since he sleeps with the window open.

I got a return call from a lawyer today for a consultation but they sent me to voicemail when I called back, so I will try tomorrow again. I also had partially filled out a form for a PI, but then chicken out....well they called me since I'd put my number in there already. I got some info and the guy said he'd check back in with me in a couple days. I want to do it, but it's so expensive, and what if he's backed off since I caught him late last week? Would it be wiser to wait a few more days or a week for him to feel secure again before I spend all that money? And is $99/hour about the going rate? Does anyone have experience with hiring a PI? I just want to know the truth. Tonight he was distant from me again and talking about how he couldn't sleep again last night and how our talk last week was "just a bandaid" ...he has an appointment with his therapist tomorrow afternoon. I don't know. I am just so lonely and sad tonight. I was reading about the signs of cheating (instead of sleeping, like I should be), and he's fit everything - and the way he's treating me is hurting me so deeply. Just a few weeks ago he was mine and now he feels like a total stranger.

Here Private Investigators

Thanks, I put in a request. I have contact with another company as well. I just found a Sears MasterCard I had been avoiding activating because I really don't like to use credit cards. I haven't used it in so long my credit limit has shrunk down but it's still 2k, so maybe I will use it to hire the PI.

As of now, listening to the VAR from his car, there is nothing there. Just music and his audio book, no phone calls or any convos whatsoever.

I changed the email address to our Verizon account to be mine so that he couldn't lock me out again and he got notified and called me immediately. He said he was worried someone "hacked" us. I just told him that I wanted to be able to access the account, so I made it my email if that was ok with him, and he said that was fine, just wished I'd told him. I said I was going to tell him later. He said he "wants" me to have access to it.

I feel like I am falling apart. If nothing comes out of the snooping I don't know if I can keep living with him in the house like this. He just stopped loving me and it's killing me.

Have you searched his briefcase? Maybe he is carrying it with him because he hides a second phone there. Having a separate untraceable 'affair phone' is quite common.

Something happened. I'm sure everything is messed up now. I'm sorry, everything fell apart.

He called me after he said it was ok that I changed the email of the phone and told me he was "done" that he felt backed into a corner, that he didn't want to be with me anymore. That he didn't need any more time, he knows he's done with me. That I don't believe his own words and that he's not having an affair that he just doesn't want to be with me. I lost it and I told him that I was packing up his stuff and putting it outside and when he comes home he can get it and he needs to find somewhere else to live. Everything fell apart. I went and bought boxes and locks (although legally I don't think I can change them so I'm not), and put his stuff outside. I told him I can't live like this, waiting, not knowing anymore. It's killing me. I told him not to call me anymore and he asked me when he could see our son and I said I don't know, that he's the one who's choosing to rip our family apart so he's going to have to get used to not being able to see him whenever he wants. That he can contact me when he decides he wants to keep his family together.

I know I just did everything wrong, but can you please help me? I don't even know if I want to be with him anymore, if he doesn't want to be with me and he doesn't love me. I had just made an appointment with a PI to figure out when to have him monitored, she is still supposed to come tomorrow at noon. I don't know what to do. I've never felt so lost in all my life

Calm down.

He called you in the first place because he knows you are trying to monitor him and he is panicking. He is panicking because he is having an affair and he doesn't want to you to find out and blow it up.

This is exactly what you need to do.

You have gotten a bit sidetracked, you let your emotions get the best of you. YOU NEED TO STOP LETTING THIS HAPPEN. But the plan stays the same, so get back to it.

Hire that PI and get him followed asap. It can be expensive, but divorce is much more expensive.

I would absolutely check the VAR tonight, perhaps he will call OW from the car because of the panic.

What do I need to do? Make him leave? Is this right? He just told my son on the phone we are getting a divorce.

His stuff is already outside.

Go outside and get his stuff and put it back. But keep the boxes and locks because you may need them in the near future. Just call him and tell him you are sorry for your outburst, that you have changed your mind and you do not want him to move out. You will not go along with his plans to end your marriage.

Once he leaves it will be much more difficult to find out the truth and do this the right way.

You need to calm down, first of all. You really cannot let your emotions get the best of you like this.

1. Get evidence of the affair.
2. Expose the affair far and wide.

This is your Plan AprilMay, this is all you need to focus on. Become an emotionless robot who is hellbent on following this plan, until it is done.

How do I let him back, I can't! I can't. This is awful.