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What is SHTF?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
What is SHTF?
Stuff hits the fan.


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Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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SIL said she would wait a bit to say anything to WW.
We are planning on making book inspired pumpkins tonight for school contest, but WW had to go to the office to meet with someone from a different company. She tried to take kids, saying no other coworkers would be there. I forbade her from taking kids, and had to leave work early to make that happen.

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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
SIL said she would wait a bit to say anything to WW.
We are planning on making book inspired pumpkins tonight for school contest, but WW had to go to the office to meet with someone from a different company. She tried to take kids, saying no other coworkers would be there. I forbade her from taking kids, and had to leave work early to make that happen.

And that is the right thing to do. You need to take whatever steps necessary to keep your kids away from the OM.

In the meantime, you have to QUICKLY get evidence of the affair so we can help you kill the affair and run the OM off.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
I will read that thread and reread my old thread. I expect SHTF this evening. SIL said she would talk to WW today about OM''s crimes.

I want to add that it is not your SIL's responsibility to protect your children from the OM, IT IS YOURS. You did the right thing tonight by not allowing her to take them around him. You have to ENSURE that never happens evne if you have to get a court order. We have had predators go after women with children in order to get to their kids. You can't let that happen.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I agree it is not SIL responsibility. I was simply trying to temper the poor advice she is already giving WW.

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I purchased Webwatcher and stayed up late helping WW with phone maintenance and photo storage. She watched her phone like a hawk. I had a couple minutes of opportunity to load it but it would not let me login. I could login on my phone, even in incognito mode. I will try again asap

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I was thinking of taking off work and surprising WW at her office with a snack or something, just to get a feel for the "dynamic" there, and possibly see OM... I have not met him, nor been to the office yet since WW has only been working for a few weeks. Is this a good idea or a bad idea?

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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
I was thinking of taking off work and surprising WW at her office with a snack or something, just to get a feel for the "dynamic" there, and possibly see OM... I have not met him, nor been to the office yet since WW has only been working for a few weeks. Is this a good idea or a bad idea?

Thats a good idea.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Of course that did not go as planned. I went to her office, and not a soul was there. She said she had a full day in office of paperwork. No papers, no people. Her vehicle was there, as usual, as well as OM vehicle. There are plenty of other vehicles they could have used. I called her to let her know I was there, no answer. I used her PC to locate her phone, and location was turned of (rare). I know OM lives down the road from office, but she refused to tell me where. Sad and frustrated, but driven to get facts FAST.

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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
Of course that did not go as planned. I went to her office, and not a soul was there. She said she had a full day in office of paperwork. No papers, no people. Her vehicle was there, as usual, as well as OM vehicle. There are plenty of other vehicles they could have used. I called her to let her know I was there, no answer. I used her PC to locate her phone, and location was turned of (rare). I know OM lives down the road from office, but she refused to tell me where. Sad and frustrated, but driven to get facts FAST.

Can you find his house and stake it out? Shouldnt be hard to do.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Well, we live in the country, so the driveways are LONG. I will ask her again and see how she answers. She sent me text saying that she had to go to the mucklands to help shuttle trucks, since they are harvesting ethanol corn. She said they are shorthanded, and was implying that I should go get kids from school. I let her know again that the "reason" I left work was due to stomach ailment and that I didn't feel up to getting them (legit). She tried again, and then acknowledged that she would get them. She knows that DD needs to finish her pumpkin for contest today, and it was their project. She is willing to disappoint our kids for whatever it is she is doing.

I will snoop some more for OM house. I have driven the road several times looking for an unmarked white truck, and boy, there are a lot of those! I will try to scout plate number when I can.

I was thinking of Intellius, but since OM just moved to this house 9/26, not sure it will be a listed address.

His crimes were committed before the registry... otherwise it would be easier to find him.

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So would she have left her car and driven something else to go to wherever she said she is at?


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WH
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
Well, we live in the country, so the driveways are LONG. I will ask her again and see how she answers.

NO! Don't ever ask again. All that does is put her on alert. STOP with the cat and mouse game and get the evidence. All you need to do is drive to his house and knock on the door when you suspect she is there.

Truly, you need to be much more strategic about this.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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WW parks her car and uses a company vehicle when she has to drive for work.

ML, I am in full agreement that my strategy is underdeveloped. I am still in a bit of shock, but I am scrambling to get my plan in order. Proof is needed, and I am taking steps to get it.

I need to figure out how to get 5 solid minutes with her phone to get the ware installed. WW sleeps at the far edge of our bed with her back to me, facing her closet where the phone is kept at night. If DS or DD call her at night, she goes into there room, bringing phone with her.


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WW asked why I was trying to make OM look bad by talking to SIL. I said "because he is bad,and I want to protect you and our children." She told me that she talked to him about it and said he was charged because "he was 19 and she was 17" The court docs clearly show he was 26 at time of crime. Apparently the fog has disrupted her counting ability. I started to discuss, then paused, reiterated my demand that she not talk about OM to kids or let them near him, and said "It doesn't matter if you say you're having an affair or not. I love you now and will always love you. I am certain that the affair will end and we will save our M. I am certain we will get past this." She teared up and tried to hug me. I told her good night and went to bed.

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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
WW asked why I was trying to make OM look bad by talking to SIL. I said "because he is bad,and I want to protect you and our children." She told me that she talked to him about it and said he was charged because "he was 19 and she was 17" The court docs clearly show he was 26 at time of crime. Apparently the fog has disrupted her counting ability. I started to discuss, then paused, reiterated my demand that she not talk about OM to kids or let them near him, and said "It doesn't matter if you say you're having an affair or not. I love you now and will always love you. I am certain that the affair will end and we will save our M. I am certain we will get past this." She teared up and tried to hug me. I told her good night and went to bed.
Did you hug her back?


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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Yes, but she gave more of an arm hug. I am going to county clerk to get facts on crimes in writing.

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Originally Posted by Forgedfe
WW asked why I was trying to make OM look bad by talking to SIL. I said "because he is bad,and I want to protect you and our children." She told me that she talked to him about it and said he was charged because "he was 19 and she was 17" The court docs clearly show he was 26 at time of crime. Apparently the fog has disrupted her counting ability. I started to discuss, then paused, reiterated my demand that she not talk about OM to kids or let them near him, and said "It doesn't matter if you say you're having an affair or not. I love you now and will always love you. I am certain that the affair will end and we will save our M. I am certain we will get past this." She teared up and tried to hug me. I told her good night and went to bed.

Forged, the goal here is not to be an enabler, but to be an affair buster. This sounds like you are inappropriately forgiving her. What you should be doing is NOT talking about the affair and getting the evidence.

It matters VERY MUCH that she is having an affair because that is likely to destroy your marriage. I wouldn't talk about it and I certainly would stop being so cavalier about it. It sounds like you don't care very much. I don't know many husbands who would say an affair doesn't matter. And no, you won't always love her if she continues to have affairs.

Please get the evidence!!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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When you get the court records, have them certified. (Meaning that the court stamps them as true and accurate).

Last edited by Brits_Brat; 10/27/16 07:44 AM.
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