Yes get the information for the OM's BW from your in-laws. Have they been told about the affair? Are they supportive of your marriage?

Did you read the thread on exposing to children

I just told our five children about the affair. My wife was at my side. After explaining what happened (obviously no sordid details) and why it was bad, the only thing my sobbing wife said was, "Don't do it, kids. It's not worth it" and apologizing for not being the mother and wife she pretended to be to all of us.

She has locked herself in our bedroom now, so I'm here posting about it.

AFA my in-laws, yes, they know about the affair. I've said so a few times thus far here. I even talked to my FIL about the concept of disclosing the A to the OBS and he was at least mildly receptive.

I must say this again, however: it is my belief that the AP is very much in control over all forms of communication into and out of his immediate family. At this point, I have no idea how to contact the OBS without his involvement. He is also potentially very dangerous, given what my wife has said about his capabilities. The morning of D-day (9/11/16), she texted him to say I was on their trail, and he made a veiled threat directed at me.

Also, unfortunately, I no longer have any evidence of the affair. About a month after D-day, I was sick of seeing it and between my wife and I, we permanently deleted everything (but a few pictures of her that she sent him) regarding the affair.

Obviously this means I will not be able to furnish any hard evidence for the OBS and the AP can deny everything if she confronts him (if I can even get to her first).

Any suggestions?

I would call his home phone disguising your # with *67 at a time you think she would answer. As far as evidence, your wife's confession is all the evidence you need. Your wife can vouch for the affair so he can't deny it.

Another idea is to contact her mother or sisters via facebook and enlist their help in telling the wife. You could tell them about the affair and ask them to get her to call you.

1987, I would move fast and get the exposure to the OM's W done asap. You really need to get this all done so you can move onto next steps. It is not a good idea to drag this all out.

Good for you getting this done. We know it was hard but it truly is the best thing for your marriage.

In addition to MelodyLane'S suggestion since your in-laws knows his family get the OM's BW's contact information from your in-laws and call her. You must try and get through and keep trying until you make contact with her. Does your in-laws have contact information for the BW's family?

I have no idea if my in-laws have the contact info for the OBS' family (her parents/etc.).

BTW, in order to recover some evidence, I downloaded the free version of Dr. Fone and scanned my wife's phone with it, hoping to retrieve the texts from D-day to and from the AP. I'm disappointed in that the only things Dr. Fone seemed to do is find what's on her phone right now. Well, thanks a bunch, I have her phone and already know what's on it right now!

Anybody have any thoughts on recovery of (at least) the texts from D-day?

What kind of phone is it?

Why do you need to retrieve the information when you have your wife's confession?

That's good that you told your kids. It may be hard to believe, but it is a very good sign that your W was upset. It's not so fun when your activities are exposed to the light of day and you see how much your actions impact your family.

I would wrap this up, like ML said. Do not drag this out any longer. I had ZERO resources to find the OWH and I made it happen. If you want to get in touch with her, you will find a way.

Put the spyware issue to the side. You don't need anymore evidence to expose to OMBW. And that's what you need to focus on. Don't complicate things by adding in unnecessary steps

I also commend you on telling the kids. Good job.

Quick update:

1. My FIL appears to be giving me his blessing on contacting the OBS and may be attempting to gather contact info on my behalf.

As I said earlier, there is nothing on the web about the AP's family. No contact information, no facebook, nothing. It must be because of the AP's job with the USCG.

2. My W talked to our two oldest daughters (without informing me) and "clarified" that she never had physical relations with the AP. She says she didn't want our daughters thinking their mother had sex with someone other than their father. I only found out about her discussions because our oldest daughter (16) told me, and then I approached my wife, asking her about the conversations.

I don't like the fact that she did that.

You know that this was a PA, right? I saw someone bring that up at the start of the thread but I don't see an acknowledgement that you read that post.

Have you contacted the OM's BW yet?

I posted this to you on Monday, and, like the post that told you that they have definitely had full sex, it wasn't acknowledged.

A lot of your posts have been to say "here's where I am now". You have a serious problem with failing to address the advice that has been given to you. We have given you certain actions to carry out, and what you have tended to post is "here's where I am now" - updating us on your feelings, but failing to focus on the actions that you have been instructed to carry out.

Reading this thread again from the beginning, it seems obvious to me that your wife has been "sexting" several men, and that she is addicted to using social media sites to take part in this behaviour. The man from Ireland was not by some coincidence the only other man she has ever chatted with (apart from OM with whom she has had sex). He was one of a number of people with whom she's been having online sexual relationships.

And the crying, and praying to God that she won't contact men on Words with Friends?

That is done to placate you, and you are falling for it. The fact is that your wife has been having online sexual relationships for some time, and she is probably still having them. You need to act on that basis, and get her OFF social media, because otherwise, you don't have a marriage.

Well...I know that I don't know either way. She swears up and down it never got physical, but I can say while I have taken her word for it, I believe it was quite possibly physical.

She is off WWF. I've told her in the last week that she obviously has a problem with "friends" who are the opposite sex.

I have seen many PMs between her and online guys via WWF, and they were definitely personal and even over the line IMO, but none were sexual. This isn't saying she doesn't have an issue, I'm just telling you what I know.

AFA contacting the OBS, there is NO INFORMATION about that family on the 'net. I am at a standstill regarding contact info. As I said earlier, my FIL said he'd try to find a home phone or address for the OBS, because he's been friends with the AP's family for 30 years.

How do you know she is off WWF? And how do you know that she isn't using other social media?

What do you mean by "personal and even over the line"? What kind of things was she talking about?

If you acknowledge that she might have an issue, you are being remarkably laid back about it. Doesn't it bother you that she has intimate relationships with men online?

She would talk about life with them. Nothing in particular, just chatting about likes and dislikes and general daily life stuff. I told her I didn't want her doing that anymore, and she agreed to abide by it. I believe it was over the line because there is no good reason to do that if you are married.

I don't believe she is still chatting with men online, hence her request on Christmas Eve. We had a big spat on Christmas Day over it (including one Christmas Eve where she stayed on the couch for a while crying). She knows I will not tolerate it anymore.

I am surreptitiously checking her phone two different ways (Dr. Fone and Webwatcher) and both have been coming up clean for the week that I've been using them. I will continue to monitor the phone.

And again, as far as the PA is concerned, there is no way to know for sure whether or not it happened without her admitting it. She vehemently denies it. I am rolling with her account of what did and did not happen, but that doesn't mean I am without suspicion.

Have you asked her to take a polygraph?

I am working on setting one up now.