I am a 57 year old man that is on his 3rd marriage. The first 2 wives had affairs and then divorced me. I have been having health problems for the last 4 years. The last couple years have plagued our marriage. My wife started an ea with a good friend of mine but when I exploded and accused her she denied and stopped coming home. Her family is poor and over the years 2 of her sisters and her mom and dad moved in with us. When I found text on her sisters phone interfering in my marriage I kicked her out. Their family went berserk. My wife and her sister filed protection orders against me. As it is a small community of 600 and they grew up there and my wife is the most loved person in town(that's why I love her) and I am an outsider I didn't stand a chance. Also my wife and her sister work as behavior counselors for little kids in the school when she accused me of sexual abuse and trying to kill her the whole town was in a uproar. I come from a very strong Christian background and don't believe divorce is the best choice. After the hearing the justice of the peace gave her a year protection order she filed for divorce and turned off my cell phone and cleaned out the house and turned off my electric and was given custody of the kids. I made it a point to not be mean or nasty and give everything I could. I brought my retired missionary parents up to help. My wife has eased up and started being nice and talking to me. I found mb and learned the things I have been doing wrong all my life and implemented them in and the results have been amazing. The problem I have is she has admitted the affair and has talked to our 2 children with me about it. She won't give up the affair but she is ready to move the kids back in with me. The problem is her family which she has grown tired of. We are talking daily and I am able to deposit steadily in the love bank. Because of the protection order if I expose her affair the way it's explained which I just got confirmation of things could go really bad for me legally and with getting the kids. I would rather take the bad rep and get the kids. I can always overcome the bad rep. I am open to suggestions.

Our suggestion would be to expose the affair, of course, because it will give you the best chance of saving your marriage. Not exposing it makes it much more likely you will get divorced. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so keeping it a secret for her only helps it thrive and grow, which is against your best interest and the best interest of your children. A court will not take your children away for telling the truth.

Is the OM married?

No he is divorced with a 14 yr old.

The court already gave her custody. She is ready to give it back. If I go to battle and expose the affair in the way I am understanding I will be blaming her for the problems. They are more my fault than hers if not all my fault. I see it undoing all the work I have accomplished so far and starting over without any credibility.

I am discovering almost everybody knows about the affair. So far me and one of my grown daughters is the only ones that haven't known. I won't find out about church until Sunday or her work until school gets back in but all her friends and family already knew. I was about the only one who didn't. I guess I ought to get out more often

I have been telling people about the affair. I am superseded to find out how little they really know

Who have you told?

Are you using the template in the exposure thread?

I haven't seen the template. I have told her family I have told my family I have told the pastor I have told the principal I am trying to get access to her Facebook friends. I have told the 4 or friends of hers that I know. The OM is a friend of mine that has had a number of head injuries. He was chasing a local girl that had 2 little girls and he got upset because the father wasn't coming to the girls soccer games. One game the dad did come to the OM took a loaded pistol to and was going to shoot the dad. When the OM gets upset he does irrational dangerous things. I sent him a text telling him shame on him for what he has done to her family. He got angry and threatened me and cussed me out. My kids were at my home when he did it. He is unstable I am going to put a protection order against him and include my kids in it. I tried to work it out with my wife but she is too emotional. She just gets angry. I even tried to get a mediator. I hope I am doing the right thing. This is going to get messy again. I was hoping to find another way.

This has the templates in here. Exposure 101

I think you need to consider moving. Could you do this?

Whom on OM's side have you told?

I could move. My wife doesn't live with me. Because I was foolish enough to think my marriage wasn't at risk I let her have a protection order because I didn't understand what was going on and she was telling me it was my fault and I had anger issues. The protection order was to protect the affair and it did that very well. As soon as she had that secured she filed for divorce got custody of the kids which was automatic with A TOP cleaned out the house and moved with the kids. Now we are undoing the TOP filing a TOP of my own against the OM for me and the kids and filing a status quo motion, a motion for child emotional evaluation, guardian ad litem, parenting evaluation, court ordered educational programs on effects of dissolution of marriage on children,

The OM doesn't have any family close. He has an ex-wife 75 miles away with a 16 year old daughter he doesn't see very much. Should I look up the ex-wife? He is from Pennsylvania. That and Maine is where his family is. What does my wife see in him? My therapist told me women tend to pick the same type of man . I told her gee thanks. You just got your Christmas card cut up.

I took my kids to the same counselor I go to. My wife had another one she wanted to take them to and I agreed. She didn't send me the counselors information so I took them to mine anyway. It infuriated her. I told her she could still take them to the other one but that wasn't good enough. The next time I went to my counselor she informed me that this was the last session because her boss said she knew my family(my wife's because I have no family up here) and it was a confirm of interest. I don't believe that is the truth.

Very good radio show on exposure.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=9699

Why didn't you use POJA on which counsellor to go to!

Also, have you written Dr. Harley?

That was a very good segment. It showed me that I was making a lot of mistakes

I tried that.and we agreed. She got angry again and stopped communicating so I went back to my counselor. She finally set hers up but wouldn't give me the contact information so I continued my counselor and then when she gave me the contact started hers.

I didn't know I could write Dr. Harley. I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate the website. I'm afraid if I leave this page I might not find it again.

I have done something wrong. I was out driving around at 2 am because I couldn't sleep and saw that my wife's car wasn't home when I knew the kids were. I went to the OM'S cabin and her car was there. We are a small community (300) and I had been told she goes there most nights but I was trying not to spy because of the TOP. Her sister is raising my kids, she is never home. I honked the horn until she came out making excuses and dialing the sheriff. I left angry. The next day having calmed down I realized I had no right to interrupt her privacy and it did no good. I just made a bad situation worse. I emailed her an apology and told her so. I went to my daughter's basketball game and the OM tried to confront me as I was helping my 82 yr old mom and my 89 yr old dad. He glared at me the whole game. She is not talking to me but I have done everything I can. The TOP will be served on him next week.