Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
You appologized to your wife that you disturbed her sleeping with another man? faint


me, DH
all the children
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
Didn't help. She asked the court to find me in contempt of court. We have a hearing on the 27th.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
I apologized for interfering with her privacy.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
I am going to need help. I haven't worked for 4 years. Disability hasn't started yet and a lawyer is not a possibility. I have been using a law service but they scheduled the hearing too soon for me to get them to help. I have communication problems and need help saying the right things. The court does not know about the affair and the incidents she is using are all about him. I need to make this the beginning of total exposure including Facebook which last month I would have said never.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
She is asking for more money. Should I give it to her? I think she wants it to go out to a concert tonight with the OM. I owe her the money but I could wait until tomorrow to give it to her. We have a common account I put money into so she can get it.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
When I go to court the question will probably come up - why am I doing the things I am doing. The answer is simple, I could handle everything without reacting badly-including her affair until I discovered she was bringing the affair into the family. I cannot take the affair being around my kids. I react strongly and quickly and harshly. I don't believe the court will accept that behavior so I need a better way to explain it. I know I am not explaining it right so I am hoping someone can help.I am being tested for myotonic dystrophy. I have lost 115 pounds this year. when I go to court I will have to show that she is having an affair and that is the cause of the distress that is going on. The traits of affairs will be of a large help in this matter. With all the massive amount of information on Marriage Builders site I could use some direction on where to go to get the information I am after. My head is still spinning from all the information I have tried to ingest already. Going back and finding things I remember is not my strong point.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by SDPruitt
She is asking for more money. Should I give it to her? I think she wants it to go out to a concert tonight with the OM. I owe her the money but I could wait until tomorrow to give it to her. We have a common account I put money into so she can get it.
Don't give her any money that helps facilitate her affair.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
Thank you. I feel that I should distance myself from her but I know that timing is important and things need to be accomplished and I am looking for a checklist. I am setting up new counselors. I feel like I am losing the war. Her cousin called me up and tried to tell me that I had to quit making it all about the kids and just get divorced and quit fighting.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
The million dollar question. Do I leave her alone and not try to protect my kids? When she has the kids and she leaves them, 11yrs and 13yrs old, her sister lives with them, do I ignore things like that? Will they fix themselves? What I am doing is obviously not working. I am go berserk every time the affair enters the family. I react harshly and that is amplified by her when she gets mad which is when I do anything that is against her affair. Every time the affair enters the family I react harshly. Do I stop reacting and grin and bear it? Is there another way to handle this Children calling the Affair Daddy before the ink is wet thing?

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
The decision to distance myself was made for me. Today she hired a lawyer. This is a good thing. It relieves a lot of tension on me. Maybe I feel like there is somebody out there protecting her now. I don't know but it makes me feel a lot of relief. It must for her also because she has been nice for the last few days, of course she is always nice before something happens. The first thing the lawyer did was to continue the hearing. That is good gives me time now to do the things I need to do. If there is enough room I will keep things posted.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
My wife has gone back to playing nice again. I have also. I am asking to trade visitation with her with her so I can get more nights. If she is leaving them at home and going to the OM at night I would rather have them with me. They need their mom and I am not going to try to take her away from them.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
Things have went full circle. My wife started calling and talking for hours. I was convinced that her affair was on the rocks and started to get hope that we could start healing. We have been together for 16 yrs and I love her d3arly. She confided that she had been sexual abused by her older brother when she was 8. When she was trying to counsel my friend who is suffering from TBI she found him easy to talk to and told him about it. She said it was the first time she had talked to anyone about it in 28 yrs. She tried to convince me how much he had helped her. I asked her if she was going to counseling and the answer was no. I tried to tell her that counseling with a therapist trained for that was the only thing that was going to help. I probably went to far telling her talking to him or me was not the help she needs. I tried to talk her into getting counseling to no avail. I then started trying to force her to go but have had very little success. The OM is now back in the picture and her lawyer is pressing hard to complete the divorce. She maintained through all of this that she is not wanting to renew our relationship. She has been having anxiety attacks. We are barely talking now. She is trying to tell me she no longer has anxiety attacks and the OM is better now and not having problems with his TBI but I don't believe her. I want to go after the OOP take steps to protect my kids and I but so many people have said that would be a mistake.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
I have made too many mistakes already and am not functionin very well. Being a small town I have had a hard time keeping counselors. The situation is so crazy they bow out. I tried to go back to work, I am a truck driver and in the course of 2 weeks wrecked 2 trucks, rolled a rental car and totaled my dad's car. You might say I am a wreck. I'm sure my wife's lawyer is going to have a field day with that. My wife has already complained about it.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
I am concernes about you.
You seem to be overwhelmed with your problems.
Where you in personal or marriage counseling?
What made your counselors not want to work with you further?

Have you contemplated taking sick leave?


me, DH
all the children
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
I personally am seeing a psychologist and 2 different therapist right now. 2 of My wife's sisters and her mother and father were living with us and I was working in the oilfield. I started having physical problems 5 years ago. The last 3 yrs we're the worst. I was a pain mediation patient and they stopped all long term pain meds. My family suffers from myotonic dystrophy. I was just about bed ridden for the last 3 yrs until last spring I found a doctor that put me on a good weight loss program and I have lost 130 lb. It included phetermine which boosted my metabolism and helped me get out of bed I started feeling lots of anger and accused my wife of cheating on me. I started counseling. She accused me of sexual abuse and then accused me of trying to kill her. Her family started attacking me when I threw one of the sisters out of the house for interfering with our marriage. I had talked my wife into going to counseling with our pastor. When the family blowup happen the pastor emailed me and informed me the would no longer be available for counseling. I went to the other churches in the neighboring towns but they would not talk to me. I setup counseling in the largest town and tried to get my wife to go also. I insisted that we get the kids in counseling also. My wife is a behavioral specialist at the school for elementary kids. She had a therapist she wanted to take them to but wasn't doing it so I took them to the one I was seeing.and my wife got mad and got into an argument with some lady that runs the counseling so the next thing I knew my counter told me that she couldn't see me anymore because the owner had a personal conflict. You are right to be concerned as I am. I have applied for disability in it's almost completed. I have made appointment to try to counsel with marriage builders and I'm hoping that will go good. There's not a lot of fun so I'm opting for a counseling with marriage Builders instead of hiring a lawyer.

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
I tried to send a letter to dr. Harvey but never could figure out how to do it. I don't think clearly and I don't speak properly so I've had trouble doing things that I need to do. I tried to go to work and it was a disaster so I've got to rearrange and still got to work but I'm going to have to figure out a way to do it.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
Are you on any specific medication now and have you come off all pain meds?
Can you contact the pain rehabilitation program you were on for medical advice?

You can contact Dr Harley through the radio show at
Mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

He can show you the way out of this mess.


me, DH
all the children
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
They give me Lyrica and nails and welbutrin. I was on gabapentin and Cymbalta. I started to try to get through the radio program button I get distracted and lose my train of thought and then nothing looks right I can't get things completed. I was afraid that you would think that

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
You should visit your doctor.
I don't know if you have been on this medication longer or if you are just being adjusted to it.
It is possible that your dosage should be adjusted, because the symptoms of distractedness and losing your train of thought can very wel be caused by your meds.
Also, if you have lost much weight, you medication may have to be adjusted.

Just call your doctor to make an appointment and tell him of your confusion.


me, DH
all the children
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 29
I see my doctor monthly. I just had my monthly visit with him. Over the past 3 years I have been to 2 pain clinicso and have changed doctors 4 times trying to find a combination that works.constant pain causes tension in the body and the body reacts to in different ways. The medical theory 20 years ago was with the medicines we have today nobody should live in pain. The theory now is medicine is abused so long term pain mediation patients should use natural methods of pain control. Meditation, stretching, all kinds of different mental and physical strange stuff. They come up with new things all the time. They have this one the wanted to do where they surgically implant electrodes in the spinal cord and run wires down to a control box subdermally implanted in your hip. I would not even return their phone calls. If there is anything else you would like to know about pain management we would need to go to a different thread. I can give you quite a bit of information as I have studied it in depth.

Page 2 of 3 1 2 3

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,071 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5