Hi everyone,
I'm not sure what I can/should be doing right now to get my marriage back on track and I need help. I'll try to give an overview of what's happened but feel free to ask for more details and/or clarifications.

About 25 years ago, I had an affair with a coworker. My wife found out, confronted me, told me to end it, took the kids to her parents for a few weeks, came back and we just kind of moved forward from there. We did not seek out help at that point...just tried to work things out on our own. We moved a few years later to a different state but again, we never really addressed any of the issues in our marriage. 3 kids and a busy life kept us occupied.

About 8 years ago, I found her having a FB emotional affair with one of her old high school friends. According to her (based on recent discussions) this was the only person she has ever talked to about my affair. It was after discovering this that I originally found this site and I did some individual counseling sessions with Dr. Harley via phone. My take away was to try to provide hope for our future and I tried to do so, along with trying to focus on her emotional needs. I even had us go through the emotional needs questionnaire and I think that provide some insights. BUT, talking about this kind of stuff is something my wife is not and has never been comfortable with.

Over all these years, the issue of my original affair was always in the background and sometimes it came to the forefront. It was during one such time about 6 years ago that we started talking in more detail about my affair and I told my wife that, while she was away for those 2-3 weeks, I had actually slept with the other woman one other time.

She was mad at that point but I thought we had put that all behind us. I was wrong. Here recently, the tension between us has grown to the point where we finally started talking about the fact that neither of us seems very happy. Realizing that I screwed things up so bad 25 years ago, I've tried to grow and become a better person since that time...to use the pain I caused as a catalyst to change who I was. I can say with confidence that I'm much better than I was back then. During this same time, my wife and I have stayed together, learned to communicate better and have shared some good memories. BUT, the old affair, and especially the fact that she just found out new information 6 years ago, continues to be a problem.

It's my belief that she and we would benefit from some form of counseling. When I've suggested marriage counseling in the past, she tends to reject it...again, she doesn't like to talk about these things and has a view of marriage that "it should just work"...or to put it another way "I'm mad that I even have to think about working on our marriage or go to counseling because YOU had an affair".

In the past few days, we've had some deeper talks and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of anger, bitterness and resentment she feels towards me. She has finally admitted that it's affecting her to the point where she knows she's not mentally healthy right now.

So, any suggestions on what to do next? She seems more interested now than ever to seek out help either for herself or the two of us. I've suggested that she look over this site, BUT, there's so much built up within her that I fear that anything I suggest is going to be dismissed out of hand. Again, she's indicated that she's willing for us to go to counseling, but when that's happened in the past, nothing has come of it and I'm not sure how hard I should push the issue OR how much of my suggestions will make it past her filter.

Okay, now I'm just blabbing on...

Any ideas/suggestions from this group about how to move forward?