Her only real complaint is that the MB program is to much of a commitment right now. On the other hand,I am very committed to the program and do try to follow it very closely, I think that the fact that I'm am so in and she isn't, probably is making me much to pushy, which she is taking as very disrespectful. Since my first post I have quit pushing it on her and I've started letting her move at her own pace. We're still spending time together but with no relationship talk. My approach now is to slow down some and do nothing to upset her. As far as the exposure to the OM's wife, I know how important that step is, so I'm working out a plan to get it done.

Ok, we finally made a small step.. After 2 weeks of absolutely no LB's and no talk about the marriage, she opened up to me. 7 months since any genuine affectionate talk or touch and a finally flicker of hope. Your advice is all much appreciated.
New problem, now I don't know how to act, or respond, I've poured so much effort into getting her on board that I'm in a slight state of shock. How can I be sure it's genuine? It's very very hard now to be myself, for the fear of another false recovery. as far as I know, up until the affair, my wife had been the most honest person that I know. Now I wouldn't trust her any farther than I could throw her, so I'm very skeptical on how to handle this.
We have a ton of issues that must be addressed sooner than later, the most important being a SSL, should I continue just being the best I can be and then address these issues after I'm sure she's on board, or dive into them now? She's starting to come around on this but my constant over the shoulder act has driven her crazy

It's been awhile, but here I go. Exposure has been done, no one was skipped. it was very successful, a definite tsunami effect but 6 months late. We have been separated for almost two months now but remain in constant contact and see each other almost everyday. I was strongly against the separation but she made it happen and it's turned out to be a disaster, because the affair bloomed once again, #5 for me. Our family is completely exhausted. What now? It's been a week since exposure and just at a loss for my next step. Do I try to get her home? Do I continue trying to work it out using mb principles? Do I let exposure sink in for awhile and see what happens? How about plan b? Anything? Thanks

Why did you leave your home?

Ricky, this is not clear at all. Why did you separate? WHEN did you separate? to whom did you expose? when did you find out the affair had resumed? Does the OMW know?

I'm sorry I was not more clear, I did not leave the home, she did. And yes the other man's wife knows she moved out on April 1, 2017 I found out the affair was still going on last Friday. The other man's wife called me, I have known about it for almost a year, she had just found out. I basically teamed up with the other man's wife and we did the full exposure together, The other man's wife took care of letting my wife's work know and I took care of letting her husband's work know.She let all of her husbands family know and friends, also on my side our whole family was already clued in.

Did you tell her you have known for a long time?

And why did you separate? What brought this about?

In addition to MelodyLane's questions did you expose to your children?

We separated after our 4th dday, she basically left, said to figure things out, all complete lies, everything she said was and still is either a lie or partial truth. Yes all three daughters know and have known since the beginning. I also told the OM's wife that I'd known for almost a year. She wasn't happy but understood.

You are fortunate she didn't slap you for doing that to her. I would not have understood if you did that to me. Glad she finally found out.

My suggestion would be to get ready for Plan B sometime in the near future. You have been dealing with this for a very long time and it is bound to start having some ill effects on your mental and physical health.

You might have mentioned this but have you filed for divorce so you are legally protected? Filing does not mean you have to get divorced but you definitely need legal protection so she doesn't inflict long term damage on your finances. you can file and then drag it out to see if her affair ends.

I really need a solid plan this time, the affair started in April 2016, I found out on July 8th, and have lived this every since, my wife has threatened divorce 100 times since then but has not even sought legal advice. The hardest part of dealing with this is the constant reassurance that it has ended, but it never has. My wife is very popular in our county, we farm and she sells real estate and has for many years. She is active in our church, she's on numerous boards in the county. This hit her very very hard and it's just beginning. I'm afraid if this exposure doesn't do the trick I may have do get drastic

MelodyLane, I respect your advice, but why file for divorce now, other than the obvious? It's only been 6 days since exposure should I not see if this kills it, or is the simple fact that it's gone on this long enough to say enough is enough?

Has there been any fallout to either of them for the workplace exposure?

His wife threatened calling the Kansas board of ethics and real estate commission

Was there any consequences that they had to endure from the workplace exposures?

No consequences as of yet other than reputations

The reason you should file for divorce now is a) so you have legal protection and b) you have an advantage while she is fogged out. She is in a very reckless, selfish state of mind and can cause enormous damage to you unless take steps to protect yourself legally. It is bad enough she is having an affair, you don't want to also have to deal with legal ramifications that could harm you for years to come.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by filing for divorce.

I will also tell you that exposure is very unlikely to make a difference at this point. You waited so long that it will have very little effect, if any, at all. The longer you wait, the less impact it has. The affair - and her wayward mindset - has been allowed to become very entrenched over this time. So, if she dumps the OM, it is unlikely she will come back to you.

You're in the online programme, aren't you? Have you told your coach and Dr Harley about the latest developments? What do they say?

What is the purpose of 'threatening' anything at this point? I would recommend you do this if the OM's BW does not. If I remember this was a client which means she was working for this couple as a realtor, and proceeded to have an affair with the husband. This IS highly unethical and should be reported.

Obviously if you do repair your marriage (unlikely due to the fact that the affair was enabled for also long), she would need to quit this job anyway as she cannot be trusted to have male clients. Reporting it now will be your best chance at bringing the full ramifications of the affair down on her and there is a small chance that could bust it up.