I know he won't but he is barely home at the minute and every time I have asked him to delete our messages because rereading them will only make us worse, he refuses. He is literally sleeping with his phone in his hand possibly because of this or because of an affair. I have asked several people and they have said they don't think he is cheating but some have suggested it.

I have scheduled a couples counselling for Tuesday, he is willing to go. Surely he wouldn't if he was cheating? I have also enrolled in a 7 week anger management course with a very qualified psychotherapist starting Thursday. I have also cut out alcohol completely and intend to keep alcohol out of my life for now. I accept that if we want to work on this, we will need time and space. What makes it so apparent he is having an affair?

He has only been sleeping with his phone in his hand since our last argument where I slapped him and he said no more. Just to be clear, I have gone through his phone in the past and he hates it

My husband and I were having difficulties. I used to physically lash out at him (mostly when drunk but I did it sober and he snapped).
He was immature and didn't commit to the marriage or to me. Trust me when I say I have never felt like much of a priority. Even though he made efforts recently, the trust is gone and we are both harbouring so much resentment. All we do is fight an d treat each other like crap. I am now in an management course and desperately trying to prove I will change, but my husband has had enough.

It has been 3 weeks since I put my hands around his neck and slapped him sober and he said that was enough for him. He kept saying he needed space for 2 weeks, was reluctant and has now moved out. Before he moved out, we had a marriage counsellor session together and he attended but they cancelled on us. He has moved out since Saturday to his parents. He said he needed a week and asked for no contacts all so he could "sort his head out" and I rearranged the counselling session for yesterday and he text me 2 hours before that he is not coming. I am at my wits end.
I am constantly trying to figure out if he is slowly edging away from me. He came back to the house while I was out and took his expensive cologne I got him for Christmas because I know he is planning on going out drinking at the weekend - which I asked him not to do. This is one of the major problems in our relationship - when I ask him not to do something he goes ahead without caring.
I havent written or spoken to him all week - when he told me he wasn't coming to our session, I went alone and didn't reply to him. It was just very hurtful that he used the time he knew I'd be away to come back and get his going out clothes etc. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that he might be testing the waters outside of our marriage to see if it's what he wants. I got so furious when I knew he came home and got his stuff whilst I was out trying to do what I can to help us.

He said he is an absolute mess over us and he's been crying a lot (though I haven't spoken to him all this week). He left his Facebook signed in on our laptop and I saw he has searched my profile yesterday and the day before. I honestly don't know the signs he is giving but I am just trying to give him the space he said he so desperately needs. Has anyone been in this situation? I am looking at apartments far away from where we live and from his family (we live very close to his whole family) in case the worst happens. Please can anyone tell me what to do during this time? I think my husband wants to leave me...

That meant to say I am in anger management - I realise how bad my behaviour is. The one time I lashed out at him sober he said made him 'snap'

Threads merged again. Please stick to this thread and do not start another thread.

Willowtree, you were given advice on your previous thread which you seem to have abandoned.

You are not going to get different advice by just starting a new post. We are always going to give you advice based on Dr Harley's program.

I personally gave you advice to snoop as I suspect he is having an affair. The fact that he came home to get *cologne* would be yet another red flag indicating this. What have you done to snoop?

You were also advised to offer him a list of things he will need to do to stay in your marriage, and if he is not willing to do these things, to separate. Where are you at with this?

He has moved out now and says he doesn't want to continue. When he came to tell me he was incredibly cruel and told me he didn't love me and only stayed with me because I gave him an ego boost then said he needed to go after 15 minutes because he was looking for a new car. It screams guilt to me. Since, he has got in contact to ask when he can cancel the household bills he pays (which is a fraction of what I pay).

I definitely think there is something going on.....

Can you hire a PI to find out?

When are you going to take action? You will change nothing by simply blogging about it.

Hi all, I haven't posted here for a while. Turns out I didn't need a PI, my husband fell for his coworker (who started at his work 3months ago) and that's where he set his sights. The same girl he came home gushing about. Even though he moved out, I had his passwords to online accounts and found he has been out with her and another couple at work who are seeing each other every weekend since. I'm sure he is being encouraged at work to be part of this foursome who are all a few years younger than us. I can't believe he would throw away 6years and a marriage for this. He keeps denying there is anyone else to his friends but it's all pretty transparent to everyone else. It all makes sense to me - before we split it was obvious he had a crush, I just didn't think he'd leave for her.
Apparently, my anger problems and insecurity "pushed him away". I am still in anger therapy and continuing with that. The course is almost complete.
As for our marriage, there is no going back for me. I do hope reality slaps him up the face sooner rather than later. My husband, I believe, definitely has some growing up and commitment issues. I am trying to develop new hobbies. He hasn't been through a breakup before so I know that working through the pain in as healthy way as possible is the answer at the minute and I'm trying to rediscover the old me - the me that was happy and confident.

If anyone has any advice or recommended reading for me at this stage from Dr Harley's programme, I would really welcome it!

Willow,

You already have received advice on what to do. This forum exists to help posters use Dr Harley's program to restore and create a great marriage.

From what I read here you've done nothing to follow the program and it now sounds like you've resigned to giving up. No one will begrudge you for needing to separate yourself from someone who has caused you great harm by having an affair.

Separation or not the first piece of advise will be for you to get the goods on your H, something that would stand up in a court of law, so that you can do a full exposure of the A.

Are you ready to do that? Do you have solid evidence? What is it?

You should ask the moderators to move this thread to the Surviving an Affair section of the forum.

You have to get legal advice because of the financial trouble he has caused. Read up on plan b on this site.

So he admitted to you he is having an affair with this coworker?