I dont want to be stuck cleaning up after an adult person's mess. What is he next step?
Can you identify how disrespectful even this comment is?
You are implying your husband is inconsiderate and like a child because he has a different idea/standard than you regarding what is an acceptable level of messiness in his home.
The attitude that you are superior and he is child like will alienate him.
The way Prisca worded things when she said "it would mean a lot to me if you would..." is golden.
I am very forgetful/messy and my husband used to approach me from the perspective that his way was superior. All it did was cause arguments and make me feel defensive and inadequate, because, like many messy people, I really am
not an inconsiderate jerk who thinks everyone else can just clean up after me. I'm simply not conscious that I'm leaving the cupboard door open, crumbs on the counter, towels on the floor, lights on, doors open, etc.
It may help to for you to understand that unless he is inconsiderate in all ways, your husband is probably not leaving things about because he does not care about you. His brain is probably just wired differently than yours in that area and he is not bothered by, or possibly even aware of, the mess.
Anyhow - thanks to Marriage Builders I was able to suggest respectful ways for my husband to ask me to pay more attention. And I understood I had some very "annoying habits." And my husband realized anything I cleaned I was doing
for him, and he had no right to demand it or bully me with DJs to get me to do it.
He started wording things exactly like Prisca did and even finding humor in my ways. His pleasant, non-judgmental requests created good will in me where I
wanted to do things for him.
I still struggle because I really am oblivious to mess. This month we are working on turning off the light and closing the door after I've been in the closet. But all he has to do is ask nicely and I say "sure" and run back and do it for him. When he used to say things like "Why do you keep doing that?!" my reaction was to think 'Back off! I'm an adult, living in my own home, paying my way, and I don't need you constantly criticizing me." I really wanted to just get away from him.