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I ran credit report from 2 agencies. I only ran on myself so far. I didn't see anything unusual yet. I didn't run the 3rd agency because I plan to do that a little later. I can only do 1 per year per agency. I will look into the freezing.
Last edited by DeepSorrow; 04/14/17 12:23 PM.
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DS, you can also run a report from all 3 agencies for free at creditkarma.com
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I took off work and changed the locks.
I ignored her on the phone calls and texts about getting stuff. I thought she might come over since I didn't respond, so I put some of the stuff she wanted on the front porch in case she showed up. She kept after me, but then finally texted me about the kids, so I responded. Hopefully she will learn and accept the new boundaries. Obviously, she was testing me. She did not come over (yet).
I've been feeling pretty good about my future these past few days. I just need to keep focused. Having a wayward wife is hard, especially with this contact she's initiating these past 2 days. She wants to control me, and that is coming to an end. I wish they could give waywards a shot to get rid of the fog. I only hope that someday my wife will snap out of it, but I don't think she will. It has consumed her and she has embraced the lifestyle. She is supposed to be a Christian.
You all are really helping me get through this nightmare. I want to thank you, and tell you how much I appreciate the time the vets spend on the forum.
The kids are supposed to come to the house for the weekend. I was going to take a trip with them, but I am going to stay close to the house until we get through the divorce. Only a couple more weeks I hope! DS, I am sorry this has been so hard. You have been a real trooper and are doing a great job! It will get better, I promise..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Having a wayward wife is hard, especially with this contact she's initiating these past 2 days. Yes. That's why in Plan B you avoid contact like the plague. I wish everyone here would read this and realize it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I agree Marcos. Even though I will only communicate with WW about the kids, she also provides additional information in the texts that makes me feel bad. Example, she tells me she is going to the large nearby city to pick up some Easter things for the boys, but she is probably going out with OM. She's lying.
I would rather not know what she's doing. I was doing better during the days when she didn't contact me.
Seems like this arrangement of switching kids is a benefit for WW. She can go have her fun without worrying about kids. Seems wrong.
It does feel good to get locks changed.
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I agree Marcos. Even though I will only communicate with WW about the kids, she also provides additional information in the texts that makes me feel bad. Example, she tells me she is going to the large nearby city to pick up some Easter things for the boys, but she is probably going out with OM. She's lying. DS,, you probably should go into Plan B. You are in "Plan C," which is the worst possible plan of all because she keeps you triggered and sick at heart. You have no reason whatsoever to communicate with her about the kids. It would be much better to facilitate any PERTINENT communication via an intermediary. If you will get this set up right, though, with a set visitation schedule, there will be nothing to communicate about. Do you have someone who act as a SPAM filter for you? This person would screen any communication from her and would only pass on pertinent information in his/her own words. Your kids are so big that I can't think of anything that couldn't be communicated directly to them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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] Example, she tells me she is going to the large nearby city to pick up some Easter things for the boys,. This is completely unnecessary communication. There is absolutely no need to tell you this. I would a) find an intermediary who would agree to be a neutral spam filter and b) inform your wife that anytjhing that has to be communicated to you can be sent through your designated IM. if you go into Plan B, you will be amazed at how much better you feel in a short time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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if you go into Plan B, you will be amazed at how much better you feel in a short time. I understand and agree. I have an intermediary in mind but I haven't asked them yet.
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DS, go check out this thread about parallel parenting [what Dr Harley recommends, btw] and see what you think. It is a much better option than "co-parenting." Parallel Parenting
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Good thread. I think I need to do parallel parenting. This would be more for my emotional well being than my kids. The boys are handling this split very well, for which I attribute the fact that I told them what was going on from advice on the forum.
I get triggered when I talk, see her, or have communication that is not business-like. I was planning on suffering through 2 more weeks to finalize divorce. Meanwhile, I would get an IM and prepare to go dark. The only thing I am worried about is seeing her at sporting events for the boys. It is almost impossible to not see her if we both go to the same game.
Obviously, she won't honor my wishes because she tries to call me when she's angry. I already communicated that I do not want to see or talk to her except for texts about the kids.
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Good thread. I think I need to do parallel parenting. This would be more for my emotional well being than my kids. The boys are handling this split very well, for which I attribute the fact that I told them what was going on from advice on the forum.
I get triggered when I talk, see her, or have communication that is not business-like. I was planning on suffering through 2 more weeks to finalize divorce. Meanwhile, I would get an IM and prepare to go dark. The only thing I am worried about is seeing her at sporting events for the boys. It is almost impossible to not see her if we both go to the same game. I agree you should wait for the divorce to be finalized. You might want to rethink the sports events. Hopefully, she will skip them. Obviously, she won't honor my wishes because she tries to call me when she's angry. I already communicated that I do not want to see or talk to her except for texts about the kids. I would also be thinking about how to block her communication, because when you tell her no contact at all, she will keep calling. You can either block her completely or change your #. Some folks end up changing their #. When she can't reach you that way, expect her to try other ways, such as email, landline calls and even showing up at your house. Waywards don't like losing control! When you are prepared to shut this down, let us know and we can help you put together a short letter.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok. Sounds good.
I am considering texting her until Plan B that I do not want to know anything about what she is doing, only necessary info about the kids.
There is NO chance she will skip our boys sports events.
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Read this and this might help you figure out a way to do the sporting events. Important/Special events During Plan B
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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My favorite quote from the thread regarding the kids...
"Teaching them that you do not, for any reason, tolerate so much as the presence of someone who is disrespectful and abusive to you - even if it is their father/mother/uncle/aunt/grandma/grandpa."
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Today was uneventful, no contact from WW.
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Should I talk to the kids that I won't tolerate the presence of WW because she are disrespectful and abusive? They may not understand not attending sporting events because their parents have always been supportive of them.
Happy Easter!
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Did you read this thread and listen to the radio Clip at the end of the thread?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I read the post, I went back and listened to the radio clip and Dr. Harley just said to take ADs if you want to attend an event with WW. I am currently on ADs.
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I read the post, I went back and listened to the radio clip and Dr. Harley just said to take ADs if you want to attend an event with WW. I am currently on ADs. But if you avoid the events then that is better for your health. And yes explain this to your children if you suddenly have to leave the event.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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