Today, the kids were supposed to go to WWs family's Easter lunch. When it was time time the boys to leave my house, 17yr old says he's not going, so I drove 13yr old over to the affair enabling MIL house. Of course, WW started calling me over and over trying to yell at me because 17yr old didn't come. I ignored the calls. She finally texts and I told her to call him. She expects me to make him go. I assume he doesn't really want to be around her family. I'm sure her family blames me, but I don't care. 13yr old tells me his mom will probably yell at him for his brother not coming. She uses anger to manipulate.

Then later 17yr old decides he wants to stay one more night (no school tomorrow). WW starts calling and texting. Texts that she is going to come get him. I text, "NO, I don't want to see you". She finally gave up. Didn't come.

Didn't bother me too much today. As long as I don't talk or see her, I'm doing pretty well. 7 days since I've seen her.

Other than getting the plan together sporting events, I think Plan B won't be too hard for me. I'm going to wait just a bit longer until Divorce is final.

My WH arrived with a moving truck when he knew I was away, disabled the outdoor security camera by turning off the power and emptied the house. The police were called but as soon as they knew it was a marital dispute they refused to do anything. I have never been able to recover any of the items.

After that I changed the locks and added a really simple alarm system. It was just the doors. The idea was that if WH arrived with a locksmith, the alarm would ring loudly, WH would be unable to turn it off and locksmith would realise that he had no right to be in the house.

Sorry that you have to go through this.

Darn it! Today I was at work, my oldest son was at home. I get a notification that my youngest son arrive at home (tracking app), so I figured my WW was at the house. Luckily, it was over lunch, so I jumped in my car and went over to the house. Somehow she got into my house using the door code, so either my youngest kid told her, or my door code was too easy.

WW was REALLY mad that I knew she was there. I think she thought I would have the security system off since my son was at the house (which I did). She didn't know how I figured it out. Of course she was there to get more stuff. I had some things already separated that she previously said she wanted. We get into a fight about me showing up and she starts blaming me for the fight. I definitely made a few love busters, primarily focusing on the fact that she is an adulterer and we wouldn't be having this problem if she hadn't of cheated on me. She called me all kinds of names and I wasn't very nice either. Unfortunately, the kids were there.

She accused me of working against her with my oldest kid, which I hadn't really said much to him. I was actually trying to get him to follow it. She threatened that she was not going to sell the house if I didn't force him to follow the custody agreement. I might have to take her to court on that because there is language in the agreement about that.

I was pretty mad. Told her to get out, I didn't want to see her or talk to her anymore. Told her to go back to her boyfriend, she cheated on me the past ten years and lied about it, etc. It probably was not a smart interaction as I fought back pretty hard, and in the end, and it doesn't do much in other than show her I'm not going to let her run over me. Also, she'll be a little worried next time she comes around our house as she doesn't know how I know she's there.

Kids were caught in the middle which I regret. This is sad, and I hate that it's happening. She was spewing venom again. Still in the fog and doesn't like that she can't control me or the kids.

Although you are right that it was immature and did not set a good example to engage in this nasty confrontation, I wouldn't worry about lovebusting. You don't need to worry about her lovebank for you as you are moving on to bigger and better things. But you also don't want to let her get to you like this and make you stoop to her level.

You need to get your house secured up TODAY. She is going to rob you blind if you do not make that a priority.

Not even a judge is going to force a 17 year old boy to visit his mother. He is not a small child, he is almost a full grown adult and can make that decision on his own. You should not do anything to encourage him to see her, that is his choice. He has every right to be upset with her and refuse to spend time with her when she is living this wayward lifestyle.

What kind of language could be in your agreement that disputes his right to choose? I am curious.

In my opinion, getting upset and having a screaming match with her was showing her that she WAS still in control, because she can still get you to engage. That is what she wants, that is why she calls you 40 times to tell you that you are rude, to get you to engage. You NOT engaging is showing her that she does not have control over you.

Is there a way to re-work your securiy system so after the alarm is set, only you can deactivate the alarm and unlock the dorr remotely? I think there are systems that can do this. It may be inconvenient to always need to let your son in, but then STBXW won't be able to get in the house when you arent there.

DS, unwritten is right, you have to secure that house. She will wipe you out and you will never recover. She is very angry that you are not allowing her to roll over you, so it is of upmost importance that you get the house secured.

Also, unwritten is right, no judge is going to make a 17 yr old visit his mother. Let her try and force him. She will just make her relationship 10x worse.

Also consider getting a safe deposit box for documents and a storage unit for heirlooms/valuables just in case.

There is no specific language other than the custody arrangement of 4 nights during the week for her and 3 nights for me. This is better than most get and we did not have to go to court. I bet she knows that the oldest can do whatever he wants, that's why she is so threatened and wants me to enforce it.



I agree with you. I knew I shouldn't engage her, but I protected the house and lost my cool when she started spewing venom. I pretty much reiterated that, I do not want to see her, and I do not want to talk to her, and she is an adulterer.


Yes, I will just disable the keypad and require a key. Right now, I am the only one that has keys and I will not give one to the kids. She will force them to give it up to get in. I do have the security system, so I will have to turn it on when the boys are home.



She is making her relationship worse, but my oldest is conforming when she comes and get him in person. Otherwise, he ignores her, but I know both kids do not think she is reasonable with their Dad. The lawyer says he can do what he wants since he is 17, and in my state, the court favor's whats best for the children. I will probably sue for primary custody after the divorce, because she will not be able to get alimony once the divorce is final, but I can revisit custody. So, there is language in the agreement that she waives all rights to alimony once final. I could stop the divorce and fight this out right now, but I will probably end up with a worse deal.

Overall, the interaction today didn't bother me personally. I am getting healthier.

I do have a safe deposit box. I only have some cash in there right now, but I agree that I need to move some things there. I have some of my important documents secure at my workplace.

I agree you shouldn't stop the divorce. Just let it roll forward. Does your 17 yr old know he doesn't have to go and that a judge will never force him?

Yes - he knows. That's why he is getting a little brave to challenge her.

So, do I just go back to ignoring her like I was doing until I get into Plan B? I'll keep her out of the house.

I forgot to tell you that WW texted that she was not going to work with me on selling the house unless I force the kids to follow the custody schedule.

I did not respond. She threatens me all the time.

How is it going?

Quick Update - Since Monday, I have only had one communication with WW where she texted me. My 13yr old son was asked to play on a baseball team and she wanted to know my thoughts. I told her that if her Affair Partner was involved in any way, I would not support it. She said he was not.

Other than that, she has not called or tried to do anything to me. Seems like the confrontation on Monday has temporarily helped. I have the kids back, so that may change after she's away from them for a few days. Next week will probably have some activity because we are getting close to the 30 day milestone for our divorce.

She is the talk of the town. I'm really surprised the exposure didn't break her up with OM. The SO texted me and said that her son and friends will not ever let OM coach them again (he was a Basketball coach for a traveling team). Also, SO told me that some high school kids were hanging out the window and flipping off WW when they passed her. I assume the rumors and betrayal is catching up to her, and she is taking some abuse for her actions. Other friends say they have not seen or talked to her, but they are not going to be her friend anymore. So, I know the affair continues, but WW and OM are just laying low for now trying to weather the storm I guess. I don't really know what she is thinking right now. I am doing well as long as I do not see or talk with her.

The house is secure. No forced entry.

I would think the best thing for a Wayward in this situation would be to dump OM, get through the divorce, and start a relationship with someone new. Trying to stay with OM will continue to bring shame and heat down upon them. I don't see how she is coping with this. She is in love with the affair, not the person. I assume she'll move on once the relationship is no fun anymore.

So far, no introduction of OM to my kids.

My 13 yr old had a basketball 3on3 tournament last night. WW,OM, and SO were there. I did not go. My friends told me it was very awkward. None of them set together. WW tried to sit with friends. SO set with her family. And OM set by himself.

I called WW about the house. We are trying to sell it but she is not working with me, so I had to have some communication. Overall, the conversation was not that good. She's still spewing wayward fog. Still angry over exposure, and think she's entitled. It's really hard to conduct business with someone that is not reasonable. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I may have to have the lawyer involved. We don't have separate lawyers.

WW definitely thinks she has rights to the house and everything in it.

Having a bad day today. Talking with WW to work on divorce.

Very sad about it. I've been doing well, but not today.

Is this correct? You have the same lawyer?

I really think you need to get an IM.