No, that is not your bad, it is hers. It only means she is using your accusation as an excuse to do what she was going to do anyway.

i am sorry to say this, but your best option is to begin divorce proceedings. This is a hopeless case. I would get legal protection immediately, while you continue to snoop to find out the WHO. Not that really means anything at this point. I am sure there have been many. Like I said earlier, I am sure many, many people know about this.

You should also get checked for STDs right away. So sorry.

You would expose the affairs so everyone knows why your marriage is ending. Everything should be out in the open, including the names of these OM.

I would take out both of your boys and have a private heart to heart about this. There is much more, I am sure. They are very confused because they have been taught that wrong is right and that impression has been validated by you by not saying or doing anything. I would just do this now. It is ok to keep spying, but you don't need any more information to move forward. I am sure the whole community knows everything.

I understand what you all are saying. Tonight was not a good night. WW gets mad because I've talked to a couple of close friends about the affairs. She is extremely mad although that was several days ago that she found out. She unloaded on me tonight, saying that is totally uncalled for. I think this is starting to mess up the dream of replacing me with the OM because of what people might think. She is on the phone with him now, so I hope to have some intel tomorrow. It will likely be hard to get a name with one side of the conversation. She is extremely irrational, yelling at the kids, yelling at me, and blaming everyone but herself.

I have a lawyer meeting next Thursday, but I feel I need to get in earlier. My 13 yr old broke down tonight. I am going to talk to my boys, but want to do it one time after I find out who this OM is. I'm so mad because this OM is messing up my family and WW doesn't understand what she's doing. She does not accept anything positive and focuses on the negative.

I know this marriage may be over, but I need help to stay in it until I can protect from any further damage.

I need help with what to do and how to act. Thanks!

I would get in with your attorney right away if you can. I would go ahead and sit the 13 down and have talk with him. I am sure he knows quite a bit already. When you find the ID of the OM you can tell him. He is probably very confused and may even believe you endorse her adultery.

My father was also a serial cheater and was introducing me to his girlfriends as early as age 4. Since my mother never said anything was wrong with this, I just assumed what seemed very wrong to me was not wrong. I learned very early not to trust my instincts about right and wrong. I grew up very morally confused.

Can you hire a PI?

What does your friend's Wife know? Could she know the latest OM?
What was it that your WW told your friend's wife?

Can you hire a PI?

I am SO disappointed... The VAR didn't work last night and I did not get any intel. I must have flipped it off when I hid it.

I first talked to my 17 yr old son. The tension started last night because he did not turn in homework. My WW was very angry and that led into the fight last night. I asked 17 to do everything he can to keep peace in the house - do his homework, etc. Him and I also talked about the affair with student. I told him that I was wrong for allowing it, and everything else that went on in the past. My 17 said that he felt I let her off the hook and it was wrong to do that so he was pretty perceptive.

I also talked to 13yr old. He overheard the conversation/fight with WW and got his info about Affair from that. I talked to him that this was inappropriate and has been going on a long time and that I should have done something about it. I think it helped him. He didn't seem to have anything more examples of how he was exposed to her infidelity.

WW calls me this morning steaming mad again. She suspects I am talking to the kids because 17yr old ignored her this morning and I was talking with 13yr old. She then lays into me about telling other people, again & again. I just say that she needs to get over it and move on. She keeps repeating herself trying to beat me up. I keep saying that she needs to get over it. I feel I made a mistake by telling her about my friends. She is stuck on it and is angry as a hornet.

I will look into PI today. I am anticipating the closest PI will be pretty far away.

I am upset and I keep trying to make up with her to resolve the conflict and it is not working so I need a different approach.

I asked my friend but he said she didn't know the details. I don't think it's the same OM.

I think one of the reasons this has been allowed to go on for so long is you get upset when she is upset and do anything to create peace. Conflict avoidance causes more conflict. Would you agree? I would stop trying to do this and instead, stop getting into fights with her. Of course she will be upset about exposures. There is nothing wrong with that. Just say "sorry you are upset," but the kids need to be fully informed of the situation.

Tell her you have spoken to the kids and [whomever else] to get their perspectives. They all know she has had affairs and you aim to ensure that everyone knows. You need to be LOUD AND PROUD about this.

Have you spoken to the parents of the teenage boy she had the affair with?

The boy lives with his grandmother. I'm not sure of the story, but I think his parents were unfit due to drug abuse and the grandmother stepped in at a early age. I don't see that he has any relationship with his parents and don't know anything about them.

And... there's is more to his story. January, a story hit the TV news that a teacher in our district had an affair with at least 2 students. This teacher had a history in other districts and she was allow to continue. The student was married to HS principle so it was big news. Well, one of the students was the same one that said he slept with WW. Affair with WW happened the end of October.

I had heard the grandma may have been one of the people that turned this story into the school/police. I'm not sure the details. I don't really know her and I'm not sure of her name.

I want to do this by text if I can.

"I'm not going to fight anymore about who I talk to. I am trying to get their perspective. Our friends and family already know you've had affairs"

I don't necessarily want to threaten her about telling everyone. I want to do it and then deal with fallout. She will just do everything in her power to keep me from telling people. Thoughts?

TELL EVERYONE.
your wife has no morals.

OK folks. VAR has confirmed that there is another man as expected. More details coming as I found out more.

Do I tell the kids?

Yes. Have you read the exposure thread?

Have you read this? Exposing to Children

yes. And I would also expose to the OM's family and friends FIRST.

Well, I don't have the name of the OM but I am considering telling the kids that she is in an affair.

How is she talking to him? Can you get spyware on her devices?

Are you still hiring a PI?

I confirmed the affair with a VAR in the bedroom. She is using a secret phone. I'm not sure if I will find out who it is or whether it matters with this marriage headed for divorce. I am ready to expose but I won't be able to expose OM.