I'm dating someone who went through the whole ordeal of a cheating spouse. The marriage ended when she refused to continue the relationship. He has gone through Marriage Builders and it's been several years since his divorce.
We met online and have known each other for about half a year. There's a lot that we like about each other. As we have gotten to know each other better, we have agreed that our end goal is marriage. We are in our 30s and, due to distance, are able to see each other 1-2 times a week, often spending as much time as we can during the weekend together. In preparation for the "end goal", I've read "His Needs, Her Needs" and am reading "Love Busters". We're also talking about doing pre-engagement counseling as we move in that direction.
My question is based on the fact that he has shared with me a few concerns. He has discussed with me the fact that thinking of marriage again makes him feel apprehensive. He has been honest with me about this, as well as with the fact that he does not wish to feel this way, but that it's something he's working through. I think some of the feelings of apprehension he has been prepared for and some have surprised even him. For example, while we were hanging out with my family, he found himself taken back by negative emotions. As we talked it through, he realized that he was associating relating to my siblings with that of his ex-wife's siblings. He had been very close to them and now here he was again, restarting this part of his life, which he had never dreamed that he would have to do. This emotional scarring has snuck up on him in other ways as well.
He has been, and is, honest and fair with me in all of this. He encourages me to ask any questions I want and also always encourages me that what he sees of me, he likes.
I searched online, but have come up short. I'm not always sure the best ways to support him. I listen to him as he shares, try to let my actions show who I am as a person and dating partner, and have been evaluating Marriage Builders (which is a very important framework to him for marriage...and honestly, I agree with what MB has had to say so far.) I want to know how to be supportive of him, but I also want to know what I should reasonably expect. I understand it takes time to heal, and I want to be patient with him and feel I can be, but I was just wondering what MB would recommend in this situation for the other person, the person who hasn't been cheating on.
I'm sorry if any of this is vague, but, since this is a new situation for me, I'm not completely sure what questions to ask, but only come with the knowledge that I need the wisdom of other people. So, thank you in advance for your time and advice!
(Also, If you are divorced and dating (or have dated in the past), what do you wish the other person knew? I'm interested in hearing about this as well.)

Welcome to MB. How long ago was his divorce? Has he dated much since his divorce?

And have you read this Dr. Harley book? Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

He is naturally more enlightened than most would be about the dangers of infidelity. Affairs occur in about 65% of marriages because most people are ignorant about how they occur. Most people who have affairs don't go looking for them and people who have never had affairs [or been subjected to them] typically don't understand how they happen. In fact, most people claim that they would never do that! Since they conclude they would never do that, they don't take precautions because they believe they are immune.

We can help you and your boyfriend learn how to affair proof your marriage if you decide to get married. Then neither of you will have anything to fear.

The problem with him is that while he has experienced infidelity, he has never experienced recovery so he doesn't know if - or how - it can be done. We can teach him how to affair proof a marriage and to choose a partner who cooperate.

Brainhurts, I've read the first chapter and have it on my list.

Brainhurts, sorry, I didn't see your first post. He's been divorced for a bit over 2 years. He's dated some. His plan was to follow Harley's advice of about 30 people, but once we began to date, we decided to become exclusive. I believe he's dated about 3- 4 other people since his divorce.

30 isn't a target, it's about probability.

There is not 1 possible soulmate on the planet, there are several suitable candidates. When you date people, not all of them will fall in love with you, you will not fall in love with all of them. When you pre-select on values, social background, IQ, age, religion, the maximum number of people you need to meet to find The One is 30.

If nr. 5 is the one, it is OK to stop meeting people.

Ellie, I'm new to MB, but an old hand at being the second wife of a man who was cheated on. Your boyfriend is already in a healthier place, in that he can talk about it, be open and honest about his experiences and emotions. In that respect, you are very fortunate.

I do wish I had known about MB when I was still dating my now husband. I know this program can and will work to heal the damage that all of our 'baggage' has wrought on our marriage.

In my opinion, don't just try to 'support his use of MB principles', vest in it yourself! Really vest, because it is my firm belief that two partners can make a powerful union putting the tools and skills they learn here to work.

Even if you and your current boyfriend shouldn't work out, the tools and skills are universal. They can help us make better choices in partners, better partners to our partners.

As to what to expect from a hurting man as you build your relationship, it's hard for me to say. We didn't have MB helping us. We ended up dealing with his distrust, his bitterness over the betrayal and his anger at having the life he had planned ripped away from him - all in the worst ways possible.

All I can say is that you are light-years ahead of me in terms of likelihood of having a healthy relationship, because he's already invested in MB principles.

I think that if you do invest in the principles, you'll know how to support him, because you will practice radical honesty with each other. If he knows you'll share how you're feeling with him BEFORE it becomes a problem, he'll be able to trust that you won't blindside him. If you know he'll share with you and not brood on things from his first marriage, you'll feel more confident that there is only you and him in your marriage. You will feel more loved AND loving knowing that you both have a grip on this.

Congratulations on your engagement!!