I feel like such a fool. I posted a few years ago about my husband cheating with a coworker. He did the things I asked him to do. He found a new job, I have complete access to his phone, and he calls me regularly to check in during the day. We spend more time together and he constantly tells me he loves me and is lucky to have me as his wife. It's all lies.

I found out he's been cheating with my cousin's girlfriend for the last three months. I don't want to break up my marriage, but I don't think he'll ever be a safe partner.

You would be right.

Read this and listen to the radio clips. Serial Cheaters

Did you expose the last affair far and wide? Did you follow through with a polygraph which was suggested to you? Did you establish EPs, and if so, how did he get away with carrying on another affair?

I suspect there are many more cats in the bag here. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

When he quit his last job, I made him email HR exposing the affair. We did not do a polygraph. I told all our family and friends, so everyone knows.

He was able to carry on this affair because it was during the work day. He's good about checking in several times during the day, but he would go to their apartment when I didn't hear from him. My cousin went home early one day and caught them having sex.

He had the same excuse again. She flirted with him at a birthday party we had at our house and then reached out to him directly at his job. They met for coffee and it escalated into an affair from then.

Expose this affair far and wide. Follow the exposure link on how to do this, it does NOT include exposing with your WH or allowing him to expose. I am guessing that he will drop her like a bad habit and agree to do anything you ask of him to 'recover.' Because he seems like a playa, who likes to have cake and does not want to lose his main cake. He will agree to pacify you until he can get back to his other cake. I would bet money if you asked for a polygraph, you would find out these two affairs are just the tip of the iceberg.

Which leads me to the question, what do you want to do? Being safe with a serial cheater who actively looks for affairs is very hard work, and requires constant monitoring. In his case you would even need to work side by side. I personally would not want to even attempt to live this way. What are your thoughts?

Agree with unwritten. Most cheaters are not out trolling for action; yours is. There is nothing you can do to overcome a spouse who is actively looking for action. Unless your husband makes a radical lifestyle change and is with you 24/7, you will never be safe. Never. You are looking at your future.

I know how painful and humiliating it is to have years of hard work trying to recover a marriage thrown in your face and I am very sorry for your pain.

I spoke to Dr Harley about trying to recover with a serial cheater and he told me just what ML posted to you - that he should probably quit his job and all opportunities for an affair would need to be eliminated.

A couple more things to keep in mind when dealing with a serial cheater:

~ They will express sincere remorse and promise to do anything you ask and then slowly backslide over time. So don't be swayed by tears and expressions like "I can't believe I did this" "I just want to die" etc. Focus on what he is actually willing to do to protect you from more affairs.

~ "I need to go to counseling and fix myself". Completely ignore this! Any wayward but especially a serial cheater LOVES counseling - it's a perfect way to avoid making any real changes to fix the marriage and help their BS. I cannot express here how much of a red flag any kind of statement that sounds like this is.

~ This type of cheater has a very hard time letting go of their SSL and adopting a policy of radical honesty. This has prevented intimacy in your marriage, I'm sure, and will continue to be a problem even if EPs are adopted.

Again sorry for what you are going through.

I don't want to give up on my marriage because our kids are young and he's the breadwinner. I wouldn't be able to support them on my own. I'm realizing his behavior will never change, I just don't know how to turn the other way.

I really don't believe he's out looking for an affair, but it's obvious he will never pass on opportunity. He made it clear that my cousin's girlfriend pursued him and she admitted to it as well. Again, he told me it was just sex and she means nothing to him.

I think he may be a sex addict.

I am sorry that you are in this predicament, but please do not accept this lifestyle as your fate because you are financially dependent on him. Living with a serial cheater will be a death of a thousand cuts. Your children will grow up without a mom, because you will be too mentally and physically damaged by the stress to adequately mother them. They will also grow up believing that infidelity is an acceptable lifestyle. Surely this is not what you want.

I don't know if your WH is a sex addict or not (doubt it), and it really doesn't matter. He would need to follow the same very strict EPs for the rest of his life for him to be safe. This means you will have to be with him 100% of the time, monitoring his every move. Or, go through this over and over again.

You do realize that he would need to help support your kids if you divorce right?

I know he would have to support me, but it wouldn't be to the same level as our current lifestyle.

I just don't know what it would take for him to change his behavior. I'm surprised women like this exist. How does a woman knowingly disrespect someone else's marriage?

You won't be able to turn the other way.


He is out looking for action and is open for business. A man who is not open for action is not possible to pursue. THAT is the problem. And unless he is wiling to make RADICAL changes in his lifestyle, this will be your future. I am sure there have been other affairs you don't know about.

The issue isn't his "sex addiction" but his serial adultery. I would strongly suggest you get tested for STDs and avoid having sex with him.


All this says is that YOU mean nothing to him. He doesn't care how badly he hurts you and his marriage in pursuit of side booty. He would throw away his marriage for a piece of action.

Your current lifestyle is a nightmare that no person would ever choose. Adultery is as traumatic as rape or physical assault. No one would ever choose to live like that.

He will eventually dump you for one of his hoes and you and your children will be competing with an OW for his income. I would strongly suggest you hire a lawyer, get legal protection and separate from him.

I told you what it would take. Did you see my post about my conversation with Dr Harley? He would have to eliminate any opportunity for an affair, including leaving his job and not working with women anymore.

There are always going to be people out there who get a thrill out of getting attention from someone who is married. But they are not your problem, your WH is.

I would rather live in a cardboard box then to spend my life married to a serial cheater. No lifestyle is worth that.

Have you listened/read to the clips and info that were provided to you regarding serial cheats?

It is fairly easy to get them to end their affairs. The problem is that they keep having them.

Are you here for MB advice for your situation?

He is NOT going to change. Did you read the serial
cheater thread linked to you and what dr harley says about this? Your only option is to make having an affair impossible, because if it is possible he will have another one (and another, and another).

It seems to me that you are trying to take responsibility away from your husband, make excuses for him so you can feel better about this, and feel like there is hope that he won't do this again. For instance, saying he might be a sex addict, possibly with the hope that he can be cured of this addiction and be better. And also deflecting to the OWs as if as long as he is not pursued he will never do this again. But I think deep down you know better, you know what we are all saying is true but don't want to accept it. Denial is strong here my friend.

Are you willing to choose a nicer lifestyle over your mental and physical health and well being? And the ability to provide your children with at least ONE stable parent?