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Thanks ML. I wanted to tell her how much it hurt but was worried it was the wrong thing to do. I will start at next opportunity.

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Originally Posted by bphubbie
Thanks ML. I wanted to tell her how much it hurt but was worried it was the wrong thing to do. I will start at next opportunity.

Good man!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I just don't get why they have to be so plain nasty all the time. I've got to ignore it and focus on taking control of my life.

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I need some advice. I'm currently in a play with my wife at the local theater. Me and my wife play each others love interests. The OM is doing the lights and his mother is the director. Today is the last dress rehearsal, opening night is Friday. I just came home from work early and found the OM and my wife hugging on the doorstep. Right now I want to contact the OMSTBXW and ask her to get the committee to all come before the show and tell them that I need to pull out of the show because of what is happening. Most of them already know what is going on. Is this a stupid idea? I want to continue with Plan A but don't know how well I can keep it together now.

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Originally Posted by bphubbie
I need some advice. I'm currently in a play with my wife at the local theater. Me and my wife play each others love interests. The OM is doing the lights and his mother is the director. Today is the last dress rehearsal, opening night is Friday. I just came home from work early and found the OM and my wife hugging on the doorstep. Right now I want to contact the OMSTBXW and ask her to get the committee to all come before the show and tell them that I need to pull out of the show because of what is happening. Most of them already know what is going on. Is this a stupid idea? I want to continue with Plan A but don't know how well I can keep it together now.

First off, I would call the police about the OM coming on your property and file a restraining order against him. For him to bring his filthy affair to your home is utterly outrageous. You need to tell your wife he is to NEVER darken your doorstep again. I am shocked at her cruelty and shocked you would tolerate this.

And yes, I would pull out of this show. Do what you need to do to cause conflict in the affair and remove yourself from this sick situation.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You really need to work on moving away. You will NEVER save your marriage and will never live in peace in this town living in such close proximity to the OM. But in the meantime, you need to do a better job of keeping distance between yourself, your child and her adultery.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by bphubbie
I need some advice. I'm currently in a play with my wife at the local theater. Me and my wife play each others love interests. The OM is doing the lights and his mother is the director. Today is the last dress rehearsal, opening night is Friday. I just came home from work early and found the OM and my wife hugging on the doorstep. Right now I want to contact the OMSTBXW and ask her to get the committee to all come before the show and tell them that I need to pull out of the show because of what is happening. Most of them already know what is going on. Is this a stupid idea? I want to continue with Plan A but don't know how well I can keep it together now.

Plan A does not mean tolerating the affair, or hanging around OM because of some show. I would absolutely tell the group that your wife is having an affair with OM and because of the pain it is causing you, you need to withdraw from the show, and let the cards fall as they may. Whatever the fallout is regarding the show, they can hold the waywards responsible for that.

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Have you ever had an affair? Are there many affairs in your town? I am trying to understand why the OM would be so brazen to come to your home. That is shocking.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Have you ever had an affair? Are there many affairs in your town? I am trying to understand why the OM would be so brazen to come to your home. That is shocking.
No I've never had an affair.
We live out of town in a very secluded location so no one would have seen him.
I have handed him a tresspass notice so he is legally not allowed on my property. We also have an alarm system with a camera. I have set this up so it will send a video to my phone every time the door is opened. I don't like doing this but desperate times...

The thing that anoyed me most was his attitude when I got there. It was a real supierior what now kind of attitude. Of course my wife didn't see it like that at all.

I am noticing a change in my wifes behaviour. She is getting depressed and feels like everyone is talking about her. Friends have been putting pressure on her saying she needs to move out as it is cruel to me to still be living with me. She doesn't want to move out but I think OM might be pushing too. I'm trying to show that I'm on her side.

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Originally Posted by bphubbie
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Have you ever had an affair? Are there many affairs in your town? I am trying to understand why the OM would be so brazen to come to your home. That is shocking.
No I've never had an affair.
We live out of town in a very secluded location so no one would have seen him.
I have handed him a tresspass notice so he is legally not allowed on my property. We also have an alarm system with a camera. I have set this up so it will send a video to my phone every time the door is opened. I don't like doing this but desperate times...

Good deal!! I am just trying to figure out why he would so brazen.

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The thing that anoyed me most was his attitude when I got there. It was a real supierior what now kind of attitude. Of course my wife didn't see it like that at all.

Do you have a pistol? I am surprised you didn't shoot him. If I were in your position, he would have been escorted off at the point of my shotgun.

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I am noticing a change in my wifes behaviour. She is getting depressed and feels like everyone is talking about her. Friends have been putting pressure on her saying she needs to move out as it is cruel to me to still be living with me. She doesn't want to move out but I think OM might be pushing too. I'm trying to show that I'm on her side.

Thats great!! I would encourage you also to quit you drama team and tell the members why. You shouldn't act like it is normal to be around this horrible, despicable man.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
First off, I would call the police about the OM coming on your property and file a restraining order against him. For him to bring his filthy affair to your home is utterly outrageous. You need to tell your wife he is to NEVER darken your doorstep again. I am shocked at her cruelty and shocked you would tolerate this.

And yes, I would pull out of this show. Do what you need to do to cause conflict in the affair and remove yourself from this sick situation.

I have previously told her that he is NOT allowed to come to my house but she thought I would never know. And just doesn't give a [censored].

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by bphubbie
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Have you ever had an affair? Are there many affairs in your town? I am trying to understand why the OM would be so brazen to come to your home. That is shocking.
No I've never had an affair.
We live out of town in a very secluded location so no one would have seen him.
I have handed him a tresspass notice so he is legally not allowed on my property. We also have an alarm system with a camera. I have set this up so it will send a video to my phone every time the door is opened. I don't like doing this but desperate times...

Good deal!! I am just trying to figure out why he would so brazen.

Quote
The thing that anoyed me most was his attitude when I got there. It was a real supierior what now kind of attitude. Of course my wife didn't see it like that at all.

Do you have a pistol? I am surprised you didn't shoot him. If I were in your position, he would have been escorted off at the point of my shotgun.

Quote
I am noticing a change in my wifes behaviour. She is getting depressed and feels like everyone is talking about her. Friends have been putting pressure on her saying she needs to move out as it is cruel to me to still be living with me. She doesn't want to move out but I think OM might be pushing too. I'm trying to show that I'm on her side.

Thats great!! I would encourage you also to quit you drama team and tell the members why. You shouldn't act like it is normal to be around this horrible, despicable man.

Unfortunately you're not allowed to have guns in this country. Or maybe fortunately as I was very angry.

He has no morals and doesn't seem like he has any guilt.

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To lighten the mood I thought I'd post some funny things my wife has said recently.

After having been in an affair for over two months and talking about something else "For the first time I'm going to think about me"

When I decided to stop putting money in to her bank for housekeeping "It would have been nice if you talked to me and we discussed it." I did point out that "I don't remember us discussing your decision to [censored] OM"

"I feel like I've destroyed your life. I feel like I've destroyed my life. I can't help that I have feelings for someone else."

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Oh I got another one. While getting a shouting at after telling a mutual friend about the affair. "She didn't even know that OM and OMSTBXW were seperated. Do you know what a horrible way that was for her to find out?"

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We have a whole thread with some of the same crazy, Craziest things to come out of a wayawrd�s piehole


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks BrainHurts. I've been reading that, it's amazing how they say the same things even though their situation is so special and unique.

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Originally Posted by bphubbie
Thanks BrainHurts. I've been reading that, it's amazing how they say the same things even though their situation is so special and unique.
Yes all waywards follow the same wayward script and that�s why the many of us that have been here for years know that the BS needs to follow the Plan.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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First reading Dr Harley's website and books it all made sense and I could see my situation in what he said about marriages and how the A started. If there was any doubt my wife dispelled that with our conversation yesterday.

She was talking about how the A started, she's already admitted that she had a crush on him before but that it "was never going to lead to anything". Anyway she was talking with him 1 week after we "split" and they started to talk about their respective marriages. At that moment "things changed and something was definitely going to happen and they couldn't stop it." (Any one else hear the Love Bank deposits pouring in)

It was hard to hear but it was good to get confirmation of what Dr Harley says and gives me more confidence that I can turn things around using plan A.

She also told me OM had been whining to her about how down he was feeling. She told OM not to dare to whine to her about his problems when she was going through so much more. He apologized so they're good again now. puke
Nice to hear that they still support each other and care about each others feelings. grin

(I've just got some sleeping tablets from the Dr, which wife already has. Conversations when we've both taken these look like they could be quite revealing and helpful.)

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I'm starting to wonder if it's worth bothering with plan A or if I should just go straight to plan D.
I take my share of the blame for what has happened. I let things slip and should have focused more on my marriage, I shouldn't have got cross with her when she was being honest with me. But it would be nice if occasionally everything wasn't all my fault. Maybe a little blame sharing. When OM came to my house the other day, I didn't quite follow it, but somehow that was my fault. (Trespassing him from the property, I happily take the blame for that! smirk )

The wife I love seems completely gone and I don't know if she will ever come back but the person in her place is a complete [censored]!
I see the occasional flash where there is some accountability and regret but instantly it's gone again to be replaced by this alien and everything I do is picked at for being wrong. I know this is to be expected, it's the fog and I will pick myself up again and keep trying, keep apologizing for every slight to he feelings.

The Dr's put me on anti depressants and they're making me feel crap at the moment, so just feel like having a whinge.

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Originally Posted by bphubbie
I'm starting to wonder if it's worth bothering with plan A or if I should just go straight to plan D.

Think about the marriages of your children and your grandchildren and how wonderful it would be for you to have that joy together. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by fighting for your marriage.

Originally Posted by bphubbie
I take my share of the blame for what has happened. I let things slip and should have focused more on my marriage, I shouldn't have got cross with her when she was being honest with me.


Everybody who comes here feels this way. It as if a blindfold was suddenly taken off your eyes. The good news is that you can use your new found knowledge to make a better marriage no matter what happens next.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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