Listen carefully..... work on your personal recovery 1st. To have marital recovery requires effort from you and your H. Right now you can only control your actions. Strengthen that and you have a chance.

Now as a non-professional but as a survivor of the A junk, I can tell you that you have a very negative attitude that will hinder your personal recovery and hurt even your children. How willing are you to fix that piece? If you put sincere and concentrated effort, you will find amazing results.