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Oh goody dream interpretations ... Madame Le Composer is in

lets see assassins, killing, violence (remind me to NEVER criticize Neaks cooking EVER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) directed to a friend, hiding from them all ...Mmmmm thinking ....

Ok if you dreamed of killing someone, whether intentionally or by accident, it signifies a period of severe emotional stress during which you must make a heroic effort to control your temper. A dream of killing them yourself predicts that you will overcome your obstacles through your own efforts.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> cool or what?

Anger is a dream of contrary; the meaning is the opposite of what you might think. If your anger was directed at someone you know, you will benefit materially through a friend;
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> they have a fast car, no rego, no witnesses, baseball bats .....

When you dreamed you were hiding, you are contemplating some action that you suspect (or know) you may later regret; don't be hasty.(Honestly I didn't mean anything with the baseball bat crack <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />) To dream of hiding can also suggest you are being secretive concerning a problem that you could use some advice solving . Mmmmmmmm ???? well we're waiting??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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AW--I'd tell you my interpretation, but I have to live in the same neighborhood with her...and close my eyes at least once in a while, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

t&l

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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> yes well I thought you would probably have some ! wise decision <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

however my decision to sit up with a puking Mikey is killing me .. nearly 4.00am poor little guy spat up heaps and has only just stopped coughing ... no its just a cold not whooping cough or anything I had sis check it.

I wanna sleep !!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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For future reference (and in an effort to keep large, wooden objects out of Neak's hot little fisties)

Neak, dearest...

Didja know when you hold a baseball bat, it makes you look like you've gained 15 lbs?

all....


in....

your...

tushy!

AW - good luck with that sleep thing. I vaguely remembered what it was when you mentioned it. 17 years and counting for me.

Really tho...tell mijo that Tia Kimmy is gonna come sing him to sleep if he doesn't nod off soon. He'll do it out of sheer self preservation...


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Quote
Really tho...tell mijo that Tia Kimmy is gonna come sing him to sleep if he doesn't nod off soon. He'll do it out of sheer self preservation...


OMG Tia Kimmy ..it worked .. hes sofly snoring .. just like his daddy (except he sounds like a D4 road grader <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

now if only I can turn the light off without waking him .... nah leave it on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ahhh bed I hear it calling me nighty night all ..tip toeing away from his little royal highness <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> sssshhh


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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I'm MAGIC!

Now...how to bottle that???


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Bwaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

Neak <-------looking 15 pounds lighter

I hope poor Mikey feels better. Believe me, I feel his pain.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Having problems logging on to MB tonight. Hope you are doing well, and drive carefully.

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I had a lot of problems, too, but I'M HOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!

Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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great to know you are home & safe Neak! I'm finally able to log on! We probably over loaded the poor server or something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

hope all are well, Mikey has stopped most of the coughing thank goodness ...I'm getting too old for these all nighters but at least I'm on leave until Monday

maybe if I begged and pleaded Aussie would let me stay home as a SAHM you think ????????????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Mikey is getting a bath by big sister and I think theres more water on the floor then in the bath what with the toys and all the splashing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> but I'm getting a break so it's ok .... except now I'm coughing.

I just made my special hamburgers for #1 son and his mate, daughter and, myself & Mikey even chewed some before he went thrrrrrrrrrp all over my face <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> parenting is SO much fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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Well, I triggered really hard today. It was one of the very few times that AJ did it, and he didn't mean to.

We were just talking along happily on the phone, and he said something teasing to me, but it was something he had yelled at me with obscenities added during one of his worst A-rants, and my brain briefly froze up and had to reboot. It is so weird to go through that, to essentially lose consciousness, but still being able to look around, see things, to vaguely register that the sun is still shining, and no everything is not really black.......

The last time I can remember the old psyche crashing so hard was that time in Wally World where the OW's theme song came on. This time it lasted for approximately an eternity, of maybe 15 seconds. Normally AJ pushes a bit when he knows I am upset about something, (perhaps sensing some occasional clammishness), but this time, fortunately he let it go. I will talk to him a little, later on, but was incoherent right at the moment.

So when I squeaked out no, please, let's just talk about something else right now, he let me do it, and I was very thankful. I snapped out of it pretty quickly, with just some emotional bruising I have been trying to self-soothe away, cleaning and keeping busy and being very nice to myself. (Since I am holding down the fort while he goes on a longer trip, it's a good thing the self-soothing is working ok.)

AJ is in TX, stopped just this side of the I-10 shutdown, which I hopehopehope will open tomorrow, since he is still more than 6 hours from his delivery site. Though they will doubtless have realized that any trucks coming in from the west are likely to be delayed.

In fact, he heard on the radio that there's about 2,000 trucks in Fort Stockton, waiting for the road to open. He is in a rest area about a half hour before that, with a microwave, lots of food, and his friend Bill. So he is fine and dandy, for someone who is stuck.

Anyway, I'll be fine, it's just that this came so much out of the blue, when all I had to deal with was low-level agitation at some unpleasant 2-yr anniversaries, and was just so unexpected that I figured I would feel better if I journaled it. And I do.

Oh, by way of humorous news, although I tried for weeks to cancel AJ's old email account, and wrote to Yahoo on his behalf repeatedly, nothing was ever done, and no one ever so much as wrote back.

Being the wonderful, smart, clever, thinking-outside-the-box kind of girl that I am (my arm's starting to break here), I figured out just what to do.

I copied and pasted my book over and over again, until I had a Word document that was over 3,000 pages in length. Then I sent it to his email over and over until I filled it full. Now anything sent from any email address at all bounces - I think of it as Mailer Demons - so a formal rejection will be sent WHEN the pot-stirrer tries to stir the pot. Cuz at least in Yahoo, when you block an address, the email just disappears silently and without a trace, so you don't know they sent it, and they don't know you didn't get it. Now she will know she can't get through. Even if she doesn't want to give up, she is running low on options.

It's just funny to me that my book has become a literal barrier of protection. (And now I can let his email die a natural death, because a curiosity-killed-the-cat person like me won't leave well enough alone, and now that I know nothing will go through, I am not curious, as there is nothing to be curious about. Four months and it will be shut down automatically.)

Oh, and it appears as if Neaksis, AJ, and I will all be going to Boise next month to introduce our kids book to a bunch of Christian bookstore managers. Mom has bravely offered to keep the kids.

Well, I'd better get something accomplished - thanks for listening. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Oh, going to Boise will be fun! I love Boise. And Idaho.

Hope AJ isn't stuck for too long. Although he is doing better than you were when YOU were stuck.

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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I just got off the phone with him, and he even has the satellite hooked up to his TV. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That's not stuck, that's a mini-vacation. I mean, he can even have hot chocolate with marshmallows! All he needs is a hot tub, and he'll have it made.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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One question I just thought of, are events like the above trigger always from PTSD, or is it sometimes from something else?


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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I'm filled with joy at the moment, don't know how else to put it, nothing earth-shattering, just all happy still from a rousing practice session.

Tomorrow I am singing at the little SDA church in Angels Camp (yes, the Angels Camp of frog jumping fame), and was practicing a Steve Green song all week, but am still a hair congested (hack hack snarf) and wasn't sure I could make the high notes. So I had to find something else in a hurry.

Well, my favorite song that the kids sing, I just found the music for it tonight, suitable for solo performance (as opposed to a bunch of kids yelling off-key), and I'm all ready now. Surely not a coincidence.

It is a wonderfully martial Scripture-based song, and one of the verses is from a promise that I claimed countless times during the A. I know there is someone out there tonight who needs to hear this.

Quote
So shall they fear the name of the LORD from the west and His glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him.
Isaiah 59:19

(Or her.)

The trials that we have been/are going through are opportunities for us to witness first-hand the Spirit of the Lord raising the standard high on our behalf. Pray for it! Claim it! It's yours!

Neak <------- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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The exchange on LilSis' thread made me remember this - apologies if I told it before.

After AJ told me he was leaving, but before I found out the real reason why, I had a hunch he felt like he was unappreciated. I must have realized that I had been neglecting to express appreciation in the way that he needed.

So, I began a list of all the things I liked about him, some big things, some little things, some silly, some serious.

I had it quite a ways along, but not finished, when I found out he was cheating. Although I continued to be kind and loving, and to show him that I could change, the list kind of got forgotten in the whole drama.

I did not find out until the A was over that he had eventually found the list in the documents on his laptop, and read it. He considered it a real turning point for him. He hadn't known I felt that way about him, and kept thinking about it.

Surely I need not point out that any moment he was thinking of me, he was NOT thinking of Gargamel.

And, most amazing of all, it was one of the few things that made it through to him, in spite of everything, and he remembered it afterwards. So I know it was huge at the time.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Happy that YOU are happy. Its kinda nice isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aussie & I had a um 'discussion' the other night because he did something we had agreed not to do. No biggy BUT all he had to do was discuss the issue as we had previously agreed.
and he was wrong ...... of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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AW - Naturally he was wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> How is the Clan?


Well, AJ and I had a very long discussion night before last, until oh, 2am or so. All about during the A, dynamics, etc. Some of it I had heard him talk about before, but I had some very enlightening moments, too.

I really need to get busy on my final edit, but I really need to not explode from too much bottling, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Especially since I already had a lot I had been storing up even before this.

A quick summary of the main issues that have been waiting for a while:

1. A few months ago I finally realized I was still living, acting, and reacting, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is still a work very much in progress, but I can see that this won't work forever, and I am trying to begin putting some faith in the actions I have been watching for almost 2 yrs now.
2. Taking the kids to school every day just down the road from Gargamel's house has been hard. It feels like the whole area is polluted. Well, it is. But there I am, sneaking around MY OWN places where I BELONG, looking over my shoulder constantly in fear of running into her, as if I were the interloper and not her. This, too, is still a work in progress. I am trying to take back my hill, with a "bad" (:)) attitude because that's the only way I can force myself to be courageous.
3. I still find myself thinking of her too much on a daily basis, and little affair-loops running and running in my head. This I am having more obvious success with, having gotten pretty adept by now at re-tracking my thoughts. I just have to catch them, to realize what I am doing, and I can make it stop. This has been quelled to more of an annoyance stage, rather than a bona fide problem.
4. About a week ago I triggered really hard, to the point of feeling like everything had suddenly gone dark, while I was standing in the sunshine. It was such an eerie feeling - being knocked unconscious while still awake. I hated being out of my rigid control of thoughts and feelings for the time it took to shake it off. I would have thought I was past that, but apparently not. Being so rare, this is not a big problem either, like the first 2 are, but was severe while it lasted. And it was about 2 days before I started feeling really normal again.


So we talked. A lot. Although we do discuss infidelity in general on a regular basis, mainly regarding people we know, we don't talk about our own experience with each other nearly as much.

He had mentioned the house he planned to rent, just down the street, before. But this is the first time I knew that he had not only thought about it, filled out an application for it (as I found out eventually), had her offer to pay for it (as I found out even more eventually), but he had put down a deposit on it.

He gave her the money, and she wrote the people a check for it. They kept it on hold for him for almost a month and a half, until he finally went to them and told them he would not be moving in. None of this did I have any clue about, before the other night.

Lots of things about the way he was doing things were very irritating to her. She was pushing him from the start to move in with her. He said no, he had kids and needed his own place for them to be able to come. She said fine, we will get a place together. He said no, I am still married, and I want my wife to be able to come there any time she wants.

(I am laughing as I write this. WS logic is beyond belief!)

Though not happy at all that he wants to live just down the street from me, she is apparently willing to try to live together all as one big happy family, barf. Even in his stupefied state, he understands that this will not work. Ditto the threesomes, of course.

We already knew she was not happy when she found out he was still having sex with me. ("Of COURSE I'm still having sex with her - she's my wife!" Bwaaaa!!!!) But after it had been going on a while, she told him that she knew he was still having sex with me, and that had better change shortly.

She was very confident she could get him to leave me for keeps. She actually told him, "I can make men do whatever I want." Guess she thought she had THE POWER, lol.

He made her mad all the time by refusing to stay the night. (Could it be it made her feel sleazy when he had to sneak off in the middle of the night so he could go crawl into bed with his wife???) It sounded like this was a big source of conflict between them, as was the next item.

For some reason, she had a really hard time getting him to screw her.

AJ has sleep apnea, totally untreated during this time, so he was chronically exhausted already, and then trying to juggle a double life on top of that. He was soooooo tired!!!!

You know, all this time I had considered my efforts in the sex dpt a failure. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep him too exhausted to have any sex with her at all. But to listen to him describe his take on my fervent efforts, it had more of an effect than I thought. Apparently it wasn't any last shreds of willpower, or some tiny bit of decency, that kept him from boinking her more than the few times he did; it was sheer inability.

Though I'm sure she tried to mask it somewhat, he was able to sense that she was very very unhappy about his lack of attentiveness in this area. "I'll just have to go take care of it myself." Flounce, flounce. "Fine, you just do that." So it definitely caused conflict, much more than I thought even yet.

Note for balance: although I made the choice to continue sex during the A, I would fully support anyone who chooses not to, as well. In most cases, sex is not the crucial issue, and even in my own sitch, I think it would have still turned out fine without the sex, though I do not regret doing it. And apparently there would have been much more boinking going on without it, too.

It drove her nuts that he wouldn't decide, and yet she had every confidence that once he did decide, he would pick her. If only she had read MB, she would have known better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just as a suspicion, I told him I thought she had probably read a number of the TM's I had sent him about our steamy showers, and that was why she kept trying to get him to take a shower with her. He thought I was right, that now it seemed strange how she was always trying to get him in there with her, and he would make all kinds of lame excuses why he didn't need a shower just then, and then go off and leave. Can we all say lead balloon?

I told him while we were talking that he had been a sad disappointment as a boyfriend. He stammered that it was hard having sleep apnea and living a double life. I said yes, and I had done everything in my power to encourage him to be a bad boyfriend, too, and I guess it worked.

Well, she bugged him, too. All was not hunky-dory in Fantasyland. The drinking we knew about, and it's always the first thing he lists when he talks about the things he didn't like about her.

Now that he can see it, he hates the manipulations and how she tried to push him to do things. The housing is only one example.

She kept on him about the divorce papers, which he at one point started to fill out, then stopped. She oh-so-sweetly offered to fill them out for him. Such concern, such willingness to help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> It makes him angry now, how eager she was to break up his family. (Yes, he knows that he was trying to break up his family too, but he was certainly not eager.)

One thing he COULDN'T STAND about her was how messy she was.

This floored me.

I am not always tidy either, however hard I try. And I do try. But I am not super-organized, and I have a Dervish, so it's an uphill battle. If I try really hard, I can usually keep three rooms at a time nice and clean. Right now I'm doing a deep clean of my bedroom, and already the living room has a light dusting of clutter. The dining room has a heavy dusting. By hook or by crook, it will be gone by the time AJ gets home.

All this time I have assumed that part of her attraction was peace, quiet, and clean. I mean, how could you not have kids, not have a husband, and not have it all clean? Sparkly and shiny?

This kind of goes along with the waiting for the other shoe to drop thing. All this time, I have kept cleaning and cleaning frantically (if not effectually), always trying to outrun the spectre of what she must have been like. Always worried that if things weren't perfect he might decide he wanted her, instead. Always fearing that if I didn't measure up, all my hard work of the last 2 years would be wasted. And always failing, never having everything clean at once, always having something left undone to fan the fears.

All this angst, and she was a slob?????? Messy house, messy car, he tells me now!!!!! Couldn't stand it, he tells me now!!!!!!!!!!

He had said something to her several times, and finally toward the end, no doubt sensing him slipping away and trying to do anything and everything to draw him back, she cleaned up for a while. AJ said her roomie/XBF was really mad because she even made HIM clean his stuff up.

Don't get me wrong. I am not taking this as permission to just let everything go. Clearly tidiness is very important to him. But I can also see clearly, for the moment at least, that I don't have to be perfect to keep him, either. And who knows? Maybe not being so frantic will mean I will work more effeciently. Hey, a girl can hope.

That was such a freeing thing to learn!!!!!!! I can be good enough, and I am good enough. (Repeat 3 times.)

He told me that she had been nice to talk to, and there had been some times during R when he missed that, and wished he could talk to her again, but that when that happened he put thoughts of her aside, and really focused on clinging to me and thinking of me.

Of course I wished he had told me at the time, and told him so, but was also glad he had told me now, and told him that, too. I asked if he still thought of her much now, and he said hardly ever, and when he did it was generally in connection with the money.

I warned him that he couldn't assume he wouldn't be tempted ever again, and that any time there was a low spot, that Satan would be there to try and tempt him and stir up those feelings again. We made a mutual agreement that he will talk to me at the time if it happens again, and I will talk to him at the time if I am having a hard time with something. (No surprise I still need to work on that one.)

He apolgized with such remorse for hurting me like that, I nearly cried. It's not that his earlier apologies aren't meaningful, but the more time goes by, the more understanding he has of the devastation he caused, along with his willing accomplice.

Also, he told me the things I mentioned on LilSis' thread, about the strong pull of history, home, and family. He couldn't just walk away, even when he thought he wanted to.

And now? I already have my Valentine's Day present, which is just as well, since the real V-day is only 2 days after D-day, not that I expect he remembered that.

He gave me a precious card, my own copy of Bookworm (<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />), and a set of 3 Andrew Lloyd Weber CD's, all carefully wrapped and put in an XOXOXOXOXO bag.

The card had some money tucked in it, for me to spend just on me (he knows I hardly ever do this without being made to), so I got some sparkling grape juice (which I like but he doesn't, so I usually just get the sparkling apple, which we both like), a nightshirt with a penguin on it, and a bag of a Cajun snack I really like. All things I would not normally get, just for me.

So I am feeling all pampered and spoiled, just soaking up all the love, and giving it back, too.

In some ways this was a hard talk to have, and a few times I had to swallow hard and self-soothe for a moment, listening to him describe things, but it was so worth it! Not just for me, though that was important, but he must have needed to talk about it then, too, since for 3 hours he did almost all the talking. I was so glad he turned to me when he needed to talk.

It's been so long since I had to think over the whole thing at once, and it was a little overwhelming. Usually I think of this little anecdote here, and this other little anecdote there. This probed some uncomfortable places, and, I think, scraped out a few spots that were still infected. There are probably more left, but every little bit helps.

It left me feeling very good, overall.

Well, it's a good thing I made this brief so I could work on the final draft. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I feel smaller and lighter, somehow. There will be plenty of time to delve more into #1-4 later on.

Happy evening to all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
K
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
Hi Neak,

I forgot how pleasant it was to read your posts. You are quite the author and have a way with words.

I take it that everything is going well in your camp and all of your brood is well and happy.

Things are going pretty well with me, but of course, there is always room for improvement in our marriage.

I don't worry that FWS is seeing or talking to the OW anymore. That chapter of our life has been put to bed, so to speak, and we are now dealing with the day to day life's struggles and personality quirks, shortcomings, and things that drive each of us crazy.

I got my AS Degree this month, and now find myself having to face working in the real world, void of the hand holding and nurturing I recieved as a college student.

Here I am a middle aged woman with degree in hand, lacking in work experience, and scared to death of not being able to make it in the real world. Sad, quite sad.

I feel quite pale in comparison to the talents of so many of the members of MB.

The time has come for me to gather all my courage and beat back the excuses of why I can't go to work.

I am sorry to hear that Gargomoyle, or however you spell it, is still in the picture.

How can you ever put this part of your life behind you if you have to run into her accidently during the day?

I take it she is still trying to hack into your mail?

How is Neaksis and Thunderlightening doing???


Take care,


k.d.'s heartbreak


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Quote
self-soothe for a moment

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> As your undisputed first editor, let me say that this may be a somewhat unfortunate turn of the phrase, not conveying precisely what you were trying to say. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I hope... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


t&l, who is feeling exceedingly rebellious these days, but otherwise fine--thank you for asking, kd's heartbreak

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