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Neak Offline OP
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AW, it was interesting to read that again in light of what I was going to say.

We had a sighting, a very close encounter/near miss last Sunday, that just illustrates all that so clearly. I still feel like the neighborhood is mine, but have had to kinda ramp up the belligerence to maintain my comfort level.

It was right after the "Creep Breakfast" (still lolol on that one...), and we went to pizza, then AJ went into the little shop right next to Safeway to get a haircut.

This funny little thought floated through my mind, I wonder if Satan will try and get her to have a haircut today. He didn't, but when AJ got back in the car and started to back out, there she was turning into the second row from us. I wouldn't have seen her if AJ hadn't said something, since I was busy admiring his new haircut. He made like a wise man, and took a different way home.

He said the day a few weeks ago, that he and his brother went to Lowe's, he had a similar narrow escape.

(She has put on more weight. No I am not gloating.)

((What was that about a punching bag?))

Then there is the matter of the Evil Tools. I have wanted to give them back for a long time now, but 2 pieces were missing. A few days ago, I found them. Today, for some reason, everything aligned and I was able to drop them off on her porch, of course while she was gone.

I could see enough, just walking to the front door, that the way of the transgressor is hard. Not that I had any doubt, mind you. She lives a sad and lonely life, and everything I saw was a testament to that.

No, I don't pity her overmuch, but I don't un-pity her, either. She is reaping what she sowed, and finding it hard going.

Do I want to move? Absolutely, now more than ever. The only minus points, besides the aggravation of packing and unpacking, are just that it's always scary to undertake a major life change.

See, I want to teleport me and all our stuff directly to the new place, and not bother with actually moving. But oh, I want to be somewhere else.

If I were trying to outrun a problem that would just be following me anyway, it would be different. But in this case, I truly will be leaving the problem behind. Unless the problem decides to move, too, and become a psycho stalker, but I'm not too worried about that, lol. Sooner or later, even the pot-stirrers must move on, at least somewhat.

Well hey, she's kinda mostly moved on. It's been months since we heard from her directly.

We still haven't picked a for sure landing spot yet, but definitely further east, cheaper, and not CA. That's as far as we've gotten. But my BIL's boss is trying to talk AJ into getting a cute little farm just down the road from him.

Oh, and in answer to your trust but verify question, I can't speak for everyone, but it helps me tremendously. A year ago, if I had found a birthday reminder for Jonathan F. Smoot in AJ's email, I would have freaked and started filling out the D papers. We've come a long long way, mostly because he always shows me that he is being trustworthy. So important!

This time I'm going to bed for real. Nitey night.......


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Neak - I dunno what it is but satan definitely has a way of bringing OP across your path when we least expect it.

Unfortunately we still live quite close to OM so my wife has had to change her shopping habits etc to avoid him but still very occasionally she will see him....

or his car

or she was in the Doctors one day and he came in.....

this just keeps on keeping on doesn't it.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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How hard that must be. And being on an island, even a big island, isn't helpful.

In the Dr.'s office??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> One door in and out - what a horrible cornered feeling that must be.

You are right, this sort of thing happens too often to be an accident. Neaksis is the first one who called my attention to the likely reason.

She asked me one day regarding the various letters sent to me by Gargy, if it seemed like they hit sore spots that FOW shouldn't have known about? Well, yes, they did. She managed to touch areas of insecurity, hurt, anger, and fear, that I had not shared with anyone, even my dear friends here.

And though she is a calculating and intelligent opponent, it is hard for me to believe that she could get inside my mind to that extent, to lash out at me with such precision, if she were not being willingly guided by an evil entity with knowledge greater than her own.

IMO, OP's are excellent conduits for Satan, until/unless they repent.

The reason that Neaksis asked, was because of thinking over the letters she had gotten from her kids' biograndma, whom she has now termed "Granny Gargamel" in honor of the original pot-stirrer. Granny G is every bit as toxic as an OP, almost uncannily so.

In each of her letters, she would hurl anathema and insults at Neaksis, at a level that is unbelievable to any normal, sane person. But what Neaksis found eerie was her uncanny way of targeting Neaksis' weak points - the things that keep her up at night, the feelings of inadequacy that she never told any of us, at least before this conversation. None of us would ever have guessed; she always seems so perfect.

And yet in another city, a woman who doesn't even know Neaksis is able to pinpoint every one.

The Gargamels of this world listen carefully to the imps on their shoulders, and spread their poison very obediently.

I think that by coming into such close contact with the voice of the enemy, that it makes it easier to ignore the venom as soon as we hear it, and to recognize the much different voice of our Friend.

But yeah, it does keep on keeping on, doesn't it?


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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IMO, OP's are excellent conduits for Satan, until/unless they repent.


Neak:

I guess you know that I SOOO agree with you on this and the existence of EVIL POWERS, etc.

I'll share with you a weird thing that's been going on with me lately..

Will we ever be NORMAL???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I've been ANXIOUS..yes ANXIOUS..about NOT SEEING HER...

I would occasionally ACCIDENTALLY see her BUT I HAVE THE FEELING THAT SHE IS GONE from here..it's been a mighty long time...

What's crazy is that I want to CORROBORATE IT? I have been very, very close to driving by her house...

I have this feeling that I NEED TO KNOW WHERE MY ENEMY IS AND WHAT SHE IS DOING..

Can you keep this a secret and not tell anybody? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Meems, your secret is safe with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Truthfully, I see no problem with at least doing an online search (Zabasearch.com is really good), to check public records and see if they've moved.

If you find out the OW is gone, you will breathe easier. If you move away, and find out that she has moved closer to you, you will not breathe easier, and you shouldn't.

That said, I know exactly what you are talking about. The only advantage to all the spewing I had to put up with, over so long, was that it gave me a certain amount of confidence that NC was still in place.

Now she's been really quiet. I have to trust in NC on the merits of my H, not the lack of merits of the OW.

It's a scary transition.

IMO, the knowledge of our enemy is a separate issue. I think that, even for the people who feel no need, that it is still a good idea to check periodically. Knowledge is power. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Hi Neak:

I did read your response and have been contemplating what to do.

It would be AWFUL if we moved to the same city where she is...I hadn't thought about that particular dilemma... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I have this feeling that I NEED TO KNOW WHERE MY ENEMY IS AND WHAT SHE IS DOING..

I hear that! For the longest time I kept tabs on both OW for the same reason. I haven't checked in a long time but I do know they're both still around my town. Strangely, I don't care. I've gotten to a place where they just don't matter to me anymore. And IF FWH happened to run into one of the two and something did re-spark? After all the wonderful changes and growth in our marriage? I would be gone. In a heartbeat. No questions. No fuss. No muss. Ain't going through that again.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Mimi, maybe you can have a close friend check for you, and only let you know if there is something pertinent? I had only been thinking what if an OW moved to follow the BS family, but you are right - wouldn't it be terrible and ironic, if the BS family accidentally moved to where the OP had gone??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Meggy, though I have not yet reached the place where she no longer matters, or affects me if I run into her, it is definitely less with time.

Where I most identify with what you said is about if an A rekindled. Gone. That's it. Over.

On the one hand, I have that attitude, and likely always will.

On the other hand, I have had to push it more to the back, because it has been affecting how I view him now. Being always on alert, always ready to bolt, does not build a healthy, stable marriage. (I have no idea if any of that describes you, I am very egotistically talking only about myself just now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

I have seen Mimi and others talk about the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling as being part of PTSD. It has gotten better, especially after almost two years of enthusiastic transparency from AJ. The Jonathan F. Smoot thingy was the most faith I have given him yet. Yes, it gave me a dreadful startle, and within seconds I did have a towering scenario of renewed C and the inevitable D built up in my mind, but I still looked for another explanation first instead of feeling the need to snoop or confront (unless or until such time as C could not be ruled out). A real first for me.

If it started up again, I wouldn't have the heart to do this again. But even knowing that, I have been coming to see that I don't need to live my everyday life like that now. I need to continue to embrace his love more as time goes on, and not remain fearful.

Yes, it could start again. No, it is not likely, now that he has reached the revulsion stage. But if it does, I know exactly what to do. That doesn't leave much to fear, does it?

I keep telling myself that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Where I most identify with what you said is about if an A rekindled. Gone. That's it. Over.

On the one hand, I have that attitude, and likely always will.

On the other hand, I have had to push it more to the back, because it has been affecting how I view him now. Being always on alert, always ready to bolt, does not build a healthy, stable marriage. (I have no idea if any of that describes you, I am very egotistically talking only about myself just now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

Yes, that's it exactly. It's just like this little "break only in case of a fire" thingie. It's there in case I ever need it.

I had that talk with myself too... "PM, you can't live this way. A good marriage is a TRUSTING marriage. You know what you would do if IT happened again. FWH knows what you would do. That's enough."

I had to put it away and re-learn to trust my H again. Sometimes that little thought pops up in my head, "What if?" but as the scripture says, I take those kinds of thoughts captive... and toss 'em. KWIM?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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What a good analogy!

It's time to put my fire extinguisher in the back closet, instead of by the front door.

Then it's time to not mentally go stand next to it every time he makes me mad.


We're doing good, though. This week I'm doing music at the church where my XBF's mom goes. (She is the one who asked me.) When I asked him if he was comfortable, etc., he said yes, and he was kinda hoping to have a chance to shake XBF's hand and tell him thank you. Lol!

That gave me so many warm fuzzies, as well as all the other nice things he said afterwards. He is so glad to be married to me, and I'm sure glad, too.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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The following update is interesting, but has no relevance to my/our M, which is doing very well, thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yesterday I went to the gas station, and taped to the register was a very familiar name: the distinctive moniker of the infant son of Gargamel's now-deceased XBF.

The whole story is no less sad for the undoubtedly poor choices of the mother. I'm sure she has been blaming herself plenty for the last few weeks since it happened. (The fact that less than 4 months after her H ((Gargy's XBF)) died she was living with a man already leads one to at least wonder if she was in an A previous, but of course I don't know for sure. Whether an A or a really really rebound romance, it was 100% a bad idea. As I'm sure she has realized 1,000x over.)

Poor Little Kai

The very latest word is that he has begun 2-3x/week physical therapy already, responds somewhat to his mother, and has a hopeful prognosis, long-term.

So very sad.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Neak, that is heartbreaking. I'm so sad for everyone who loves that little boy.

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Neak that is just so tragic for little Kai. Innocence lost and broken so young. I pray he recovers in full, that it seems his mum made another load of poor decisions is even worse, the poor little boy deserves only the best.


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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The newspaper article told about how his mom feels that she has found her calling, trying to raise awareness and keep this from happening to other kids.

I hope she does that - living her life caring for others will make it more likely for her choices to be good, as I think she will reflect on the effects her own choices may have on those around her.

Whether it was partly her fault or not (ok, it was), it's still a lot for one person to have to deal with in the space of 4 months, the loss of a husband and the serious injury of a small son.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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^^^ for a friend


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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And in case I can't get ahold of you this morning, the main story is in the first 4-5 pages.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Neak,
I finally read the whole thing. Yes it has taken a long time.
As I have told you it is an amazing story. I am impressed by your commitment to God, AJ, your family, and yourself. And now for you to share this with me, I am truely honored.
You have definately been through the fire but it appears now that you have a great thing going.
I know that we met a few years back and I fell in love with your Neakyoungins and your Neakgrandpa, I never really got to know you and AJ very well. I now feel as though I have seen inside your hearts and the only word I can think of is amazed. Honored and amazed.
Thank you for everything you are doing for me and my situation. Your encouragement, prayers and advice are so greatly appreciated words could do no justice.
May God bless you beyond all imagination.
Pegleg

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Neak -
could you please look in on TARNSY
her thread is titled something like "my story of how I came to MB"

She is very close to plan B - and I really think you are the best one to encourage her. I get the impression that her WH will totally fall apart when she finally drops the plan B bomb
thanks


Married 18 years
D Day June 25, 2003
Divorced December 17, 2003

Newly married to a wonderful man!
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I have been getting ready for a trip, so this will have to be a quick drive-by.

Peg, your inspiration is touching, but I must direct it upwards. On those occasions where I am aware that God has used my experience to help or encourage someone else, it always reminds me of this verse:

Quote
2 Corinthians 1
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

6 And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

7 And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.

WOF, thanks for letting me know about Tarnsy. I will start reading, and post when I can sneak a few moments.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Neak,
Yes I too give all glory to God. He is the giver of all good things. I also think it is ok to thank people for using the blessings and gifts God has given them. Maybe it is Gods way of using those you help to say "well done, my good and faithful servant."
May Gods glory and mercy over flow in all areas of your life.
PegLeg

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