As you may have read my first few posts, I was SO lost in the midst of my fog only He has been able to help me come out of it. I prayed so hard for so long, and kept feeling as if my prayers were not being answered. However, what I realize now is that my prayers were being answered as my baby was growing inside my tummy! Yeap... I couldn't understand why something like this could happen to me, or what it all meant... during the foggiest times I really had convinced myself that this baby (OC) was coming into our lives as a "sign" that OM and I were meant to be together!! HA! what a bunch of C R A P that was in my head.....

Now I see it so clearly, OC came into our lives to bring BH and I closer and for us to truly recover our M or better yet create a NEW M. Only God is able to work such dispair into so much joy! Our DD (almost 5 months old now) is the not OM's answered prayer, is BH's answered prayer... he is the person God chose to raise her regardless of what OM may want. God's perfect plan was never to allow OM and I to destroy my family but for BH to have family the Wife he deserves and the family he worked so hard to keep together.

I kept questioning God in all of this and I do not need to do that anymore. OC was meant to be here and was meant to be raised by BH and I in a loving, secure, good home that only we can provide.

This was all a very hard lesson for me to learn but I am glad I am learning, I am glad I was given a second and third chance! When I read the posts on these boards about the WW who cannot see the light yet, I just say a prayer because I know they cannot do this on their own.... this "affair adiction" is just so strong, if it wasn't for God, perhaps I would still be in my own addiction! How sad...

I hope my story can help others. If there was a couple that did not think they could even begin to work through this, is us!!

B