God bless you McBecca. God bless your husband too. Give him a big hug from me, and tell him to KNOW that he will NEVER be sorry for this. If only I had stepped up to the plate as well as your BH, I may not need to be here now. Unfortunately, I decided to turn to the god that is bottled and canned in Milwaukee instead of the One true God that gave my son to me.
It just seems to be a catch22 for everyone involved. You hate the sin, you may hate the sinner, you love that little baby.
I would never wish the pain my WW put me through during her affairs back then on anyone but the OM. I would never wish the pain that she put me through after DDay on anyone but the OM. I would take that pain a million times over to have this little boy in my life. I would take it and I would smile and ask for more if I had to. In a way that is exactly what I am doing.
God don't make us do anything. Good OR Bad! God knows what we are going to do before we do it, and he knows what needs to be done. He knows these things because he has watched billions and billions of us make the same mistakes over and over again since the beginning of time. I couldn't understand back then. I couldn't see past my own pain to see that God was giving me a wakeup call. I just felt sorry for myself, and shared the pain with my poor WW. It wasn't until DDay #2 that God got through to me, and I started to see that we are all human, and we all fall down.
Her infidelity was probably the worst sin she could commit against me, but I am the one that made it hurt so bad. I am the one that took the joy of a new baby coming into this world and turned it into a nightmare for an expectant mother. And yet, she couldn't, she could not allow herself to regret what she had done simply because it would mean that she was wishing her beautiful baby had never been born.
I couldn't get THAT until I watched his birth. I cut the cord and they rushed him into ICU because the stress had caused his premature birth. To live with the usless guilt of blaming myself for threatening his life by badgering and yelling at my poor WW all because I needed help dealing with the pain that I wasn't strong enough to, and MY god wasn't able to wash away.
But to look into that baby's eyes that first time, and feel so much love. To hold that tiny little boy. How could a man not love him. I have loved him for eight years. I have done the best that I knew how, and yet I haven't done good enough. I would die for this boy, and I would walk through the fires of he ll for him. He deserves the best that I can give him, and that's not talking about material things. I have shown him what a bad father is. I will show him what a father that knows the one true God can do. I will protect him from this he ll that we have created for him, and I will fight for him as he is not yet strong enough to fight for himself. I love his mother, and I have hurt her so. I will love his mother for the rest of my life. I will love her for giving me this child. God knows, she didn't have to. I will trust God to bring us back together.
God doesn't use sin? I have to differ on that. God doesn't cause it, but he knows it's going to happen. So he might as well use it to his advantage.
God speaks to all of us. It's up to us to listen. Sometimes he uses a Mack truck, and sometimes he uses a baby. For us the baby didn't work, so he went and got the truck. I am so glad that for you the baby got the job done.
I am so happy for you. I pray that you continue to trust God to heal your wounds. I know that he is there for you.