First, before I forget.. you cant "make" him come home.
you can only make it comfortable and desirable for him to do so.
[eg: look back on what he has said his ENs are, or take your best guess at what they are, and try to do your utmost to somehow make him an "offer he cant refuse" for the evening <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. not a "deal", where he has to do something in return. just offer him something(s) you can do/say/... for him at home, that wouldnt be possible elsewhere]



now...

Quote
He said to me that he feels that he will be more of a man by leaving. What I wanted to say to him is that it takes more of a man to face his problems head on, rather than run away. I figured that would come out wrong though, so I bit my tongue

probably for the best!

speaking as a man, I will tell you, that before I started reading here, I was of the opinion that a marriage, once hacked away by infidelity, could never be salvaged into a true marriage again.

My guess is that is what you are up against.
He probably believes that you are untrustworthy, and he can never trust you again, PLUS he feels there should be some kind of consequences for your betrayal of him.

the very LAST thing you should ever want to do, is tell him something like, "A real man would fight for his marriage".

i think that you need to be consistent and unwavering, in showing that

1. you never ever want to do this to him again
2. you deeply regret the hurt that you caused to him
3. other people have overcome the horrible scars of adultery..and though it would take time, and effort... it can be done, and result in an even better marriage than you have had before.
4. you still love him.
(but go easy on this one, because he's not going to believe it at first. saying it too frequently, will make him filter it out from then on.)

you MIGHT suggest that he start talking to people who have had actual experience with this sort of thing, rather than random bystanders.

most of all, I think he needs to know within himself, that things can be good again between you. But you cant just armwrestle him into agreement on that. you have to show him facts,and let him think about them on his own time.

Last edited by techie; 03/08/07 01:05 PM.

ME: H, 35, married 9 years. 3 young sons W:32, series of online "friendships" 1st D-day: some time 2004 (online EA) OM broke off, NC june 2005, but no recovery plan 2nd D-day: june 20th, 2006("ILY" to "friend"). W moved out next day. Oct 2006, starts being around a 3rd guy instead. Mar 2007, stopped? Current status: Separated. W filed D. in July 2006, served Dec 11th, my response filed Jan 8th Most recent thread