Nothing personal against you... since I don't know you it can't be personal... but I have to tell you... that while I am pulling for you... you make the most judgemental comments since YOU are the one that has ripped your family apart. So, are you not the woman and mother he thought you were? By your standards, you can't be. You really need to lighten up on this man. If I were him reading your words, I would NEVER take you back.
Now... find a way to lighten up on him... he is the wounded person here... you are the one with the smoking gun in your hand. Find ways for him to be involved that are comfortable for him MOVING FORWARD. What happened pre A really is insignificant now... all the rules have been changed.
I sincerely hope that if you two divorce (which I hope NEVER happens) that he files for 1/2 custody. I think it is in her best interests to see her dad as much as she sees you. This also removes the issue of support which can stick in the craw of a BS at times.
Anyway, I really hope you two work things out. I will check back from time to time to see how you are doing. I hope for the sake of your daughter that you both can start putting her first in your lives. SHE, above everyone else here, deserves much more than her parents have given her to date.

Good luck,

MEDC