Supposedly he ended it with OW today ... I don't know if I believe him, though. And he still wants a D. So why end it with her then?

The OW is really not the problem here... she is a symptom of what is wrong in your M. The fact that he may have broken up with her does not fix the fact that your H does not feel safe with you... and with good reason. See... let's just assume for a minute that the OW was the reason he was gone... it would make sense for him to come home when that stimulus is out of the picture. But really, the woman that has kept him away from home (even if not in body) is you. That is where the focus needs to be here... because you may succeed in breaking up their relationship... and still wind up divorced. No, the goal here needs to be to make him feel safe to come home. I can tell you and I have told you this in the past.. you have and are doing some things that would drive me away for good. I don't know if your H feels the same way... but it would drive me nuts. I have seen you be judgemental towards the OW and the school teacher... but remember it was YOU that started this whole mess. That would drive me nuts. The other thing is your judgements about him as a father and the things you will or will not allow (as if you really have any authority over your H... did he have any over you to stop you from screwing your OM?). Snooping is an issue too. I just really believe that while your entire focus should have been on you that you have spent too much time focusing your attention on other people.