Just a few points... one... your actions harmed your daughter... but I have heard about what a great mom you are... a protector for your child and how your A never took away from your daughter. I hope you know that is all hogwash.

I would be looking for

honesty... you are NOT being honest with him right now
understanding of how you hurt me ( I think you miss the boat here).
patience(I think we both can agree that this is a major issue for you)
A realization that you are not my mother or keeper... that I am at the very least, your equal.
I would expect to see you focused on you!

TFC... YOU have major control issues. YOU cannot end his affair... if that is what it is. You may hope it ends, you may do things to that end... but you cannot end it. And you always have a little BTW comment after you admit something wrong... see above... let me tell you, BTW, anyone that cheats on their spouse is not "really nice." Talking crap about you was most likely deserved since there was a lot to talk about.

I have offered support to a lot of FWS here. I have to say though that there is something in your appraoch that still would rub me the wrong way. YOu have the control thing and something that almost seems like arrogance. IMHO, you should be humbled that your BH is even willing to speak to you right now...and that this attitude would result in you being less judgemental and more understanding of what you have brought into this marriage. AT the very least... it would give you patience and a softer heart when dealing with your H.