Just my 2 cents here TFC... when you stop feeling like a victim in this situation.... you will stop being a victim. Your H not believing the "hype" yet is normal... and he shouldn't until it is proven to him.
Your H should not have had an affair... not because it hurt you...but because it hurt him. You got bit by the very snake that you invited into your M... sad but true. But I doubt very highly that his friends would give a rats butt if they thought he had an affair of his own.
I still think that your wavering as to how to handle this and your lack of patience (last week you posted that you were going to plan B and then changed the post) is a detrement to you here. Remember that a FWS or WS is no bargain for a partner. There are easier roads out there for any BS to take than to deal with the baggage that an affair brings to a marriage.
Your H is testing you... in some ways you are doing well... but in my opinion, in the one area where you need to stand tall, you are falling short... patience. You get opinions here TFC... but find something off when he is getting opinions from those he trusts. And you say that opinions don't belong on your marriage (yet I suspect that would only include opinions that YOU don't agree with) and you end your post with ... an opinion from one of his friends.
Most likely you will continue to dismiss any criticism of your handling of things...and obviously that is your right...but I will again ask you as to why the majority of vets are ignoring your thread...is it because your situation is so perplexing that they can't help you... or is it something else...attitude.
Just my thoughts.