Him blowing up COULD have nothing to do with OW...just be about him! There was a clear pattern in my M, when I was able to step back and look at it from a third party POV...

Come to find out it had nothing to do with me...it was his valleys, no matter what I did, this pattern was going to happen regardless...

I think you are right-on here ... It only has to do with HIM! I need to control how I react to it - that is my challenge.

Did you read LA's thread on manipulation? you may want to take some time doing that...if for anything but common knowledge! I was asked ALL the time what my attitude was and I didn't have one either! This is abuse in my book...

Oh yeah! My H is a pro manipulator and Gaslighter. I am learning how to deal with it. Prime example: We had that silly incident this morning. He just called and apologized for it. BUT ... the apology was followed by "well, I just hadn't seen a call or TM from you, so I thought I'd be the bigger person." ARGH! I informed him that a comment like that completely eliminates the apology that prefaced it. I told him that there was no sense in saying he was sorry if he didn't mean it. This was followed by another apology and the excuse of being tired, etc.

I'm sorry to hear that your sitch escalated into violence - I'm glad you were able to remove yourself from that. No one deserves to be treated that way. I've never feared my H getting physically abusive with me, besides, he does a thorough enough job of making me feel crazy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It seems like the peaks and valleys are part of getting through to recovery. It just sucks.

So, I am making the conscious decision to:
- be a better woman, wife, mother
- not tolerate infidelity (from either of us)
- not tolerate Gaslighting or manipulation
- stand up for myself, DD, and what I believe in
- ask what needs to be asked, tell what needs to be told, and hear what needs to be heard

Good start to keeping my sanity?