I don't want to Plan B ... but I'm concerned that giving him "options" doesn't hold water with him b/c I've always backed down.

I agree that I should sit him down and explain my expectations.

He most certainly has a lot of residual hurt and anger over your A... and I know he has lashed out at you with his behaviors. But I think he loves you and wants this to work... I just don't think he feels safe and I know his self esteem has taken a huge hit.

I agree with this as well. I now know somewhat how he feels - the whole city is talking about me (or so it seems) and I don't even feel like I can leave my house! But I want this to work.

I understand your warning about using DD as a weapon. I have made an agreement with myself to NEVER let her suffer more than she has to by doing this. He is still her father and she doesn't deserve to not have her Daddy! I never want to be the woman that uses her child as a bargaining chip.