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He makes a good point.

Are you buying in to the fog babble, TFC? He hasn’t sacrificed anything you aren't also sacrificing daily, if you want to give any credence to that comment. If either of you begins to think in terms of your dignity being sacrificed, Dr. Harley’s program for recovery has no possibility of succeeding. Words about a “sacrifice” of dignity, manhood (or womanhood), and integrity show a person still stuck in the anger step. (See: the five stages of grieving.)

Additionally, apparently in retaliation for what he perceives as his loss of honor, he’s keeping you in some kind of Purdah and refuses to be seen with you in public. Now you won’t be invited to his birthday party? That’s the most insulting thing I’ve seen a man do to a woman since I was last in Saudi Arabia, where every woman is a third-class citizen.

Lady, can you call for an appointment for counseling with Steve Harley? Please do. I think it would do you an immense amount of good. SH is a professional counselor and could help you find a personalized plan for recovery.

TFC, I think you should be careful to filter all the advice you’re getting out here through what you’ve learned in your reading of SAA and HNHN. This is Dr. Harley’s website, right? Don’t try to apply everything anyone, including me, tells you. It’s only advice based on our own experiences, plus a modicum of knowledge acquired from watching hundreds upon hundreds of threads here on MB.

TFC, there are some out here who post once to a person in need and then seldom come around again. I’m not sure that’s helpful. Often a comment is made without reviewing the whole history on that thread. Also, sadly, there are some people out here with hidden agendas. Beware of those who slam you with 2X4’s over and over again because of how this all began, then turn conciliatory and “helpful” for no apparent reason, TFC. Remember, this is Dr. Harley’s plan for recovery that everyone is supposed to be promoting.

My personal opinion is if you turn soft and pacifying, your husband will eat it all up without moving off his current position one bit. Please show me in Dr. Harley's words about Plan A where he recommends this. Do you perhaps need to review Pepperband's "Carrot and Stick of Plan A?" What happened to your Plan A and 180, TFC?

Look, TFC, one of your WH's ENs is admiration. I even think he may be suffering from a mild form of narcissistic disorder. He loves the attention he gets from you and he supplements that attention with the adoration of all those young women out there. Second, as your best friend referred to a few weeks ago, suppressing who you really are may have been one of the key elements in your own affair.

Please evaluate where you are and where you want to go, TFC. Do you really believe becoming anything like a doormat is going to get your marriage into recovery? Or does your husband admire you when you “stand up for yourself?”

Being angry is wrong too, and I’ve been trying to help you calm down when your emotions peak…but you weren’t angry a couple of days ago, lady. You had made a calm decision to confront your WH, as you specifically referred to him, with his latest inappropriate behavior. What happened to that calm woman, TFC?

Again, since you’ve become confused and unhappy here on the website, please, please, please give the Harley’s a call. I think it may be the single most important thing you can do at this point.

As always, you have my prayers, TFC. Hang in there, okay?