Correct. With respect, your WH is sitting high on that fence of his and livin' large. I see only through your eyes, but I can't imagine him changing his behavior much beyond this point because he has no motivation to do so. Oh, there’ll be periods when he's considerate to you and perhaps even marginally affectionate, but I don’t think those behaviors will last much beyond the next trip to a place where some girl attracts his eye.

TFC, you’re doing as good a Plan A as you can do, but you can’t do it indefinitely. It hurts too much. You’re doing all you can to deposit to his LB and getting little or nothing in return. That will devastate you and your love for him in the long term.

Before that happens, Dr. Harley recommends implementing a Plan B to preserve the love, but Plan B will also prepare you for the possibility of a Plan D. TFC, that possibility must be faced because your WH is entrenching himself in a behavioral pattern that will eventually doom the marriage all by itself. From what you say, he’s actually been engaged in inappropriate conduct your whole marriage and I think it’s beginning to destroy you. I suspect a good counselor could find indications his neglect and disrespect was at the center of you seeking out another man to get your unfulfilled EN’s met.

TFC, Plan A works by itself only 15% of the time...and your husband doesn’t seem to be one of those who respond to only that plan. He loves his cake eating and isn’t going to stop without a good reason to do so. I also note you said you cried uncontrollably in your latest IC session, TFC. Without anything else to go on, I have to wonder if the pain isn’t beginning to overwhelm your love for WH. If that happens, you’ll turn from not wanting a divorce to working hard to get one, without having explored the possibilities of a Plan B.

When you’re ready, TFC...when you have things sorted out...tell us where you think you’ll be in six months to a year down the line. Where will you be if things continue the way they are...if you don’t do something about the situation? Then tell us what you think you need to do to look after yourself and your daughter.