Yeah I've told her repeatedly about this place and the help I've received in my *personal* recovery. She didn't want a divorce (who really does?)... she has joined many prayer groups and such, and that's not a bad thing, but I urged her to work on *herself*, and I'm not hearing that she's ready to do that yet.

Her WH left her to live with needy family members and he works with OW - it's a real mess. They have a learning-disabled adult son (who lives with her), and they share a house with other extended family. It's a very complicated situation. My friend is very dependent (co-dependent) and I really feel for her because she does feel that her life is over. I can relate to a point, but I'm more independent than she, so there are some things I can't relate to - but I do my best to offer comfort and support. That's what she needs, not judgments - but at the same time I'm trying to give her a loving push to live for herself, rather than for what her now WXH does. I guess until she's ready to do that, she's going to be stuck, and it's hard to see that happen to a friend. I've been there - sort of, not to the extent that she is.

I pray for her too, that she learns to focus on herself and her son, and let her WXH crash and burn - they always do. Her WXH has been loaded with mixed signals too - when he's in a jam he calls on her and she fixes things - so of course he's been big-time cake-eating and she's OK with it. Can't help her there - I've suggested lovingly that she let him see what life is like without her to fix his messes, but she won't. She feels that she'd rather have crumbs than nothing. IMO she's worth so much more than that, but until *she* decides this for herself... well you know how it is, right?

I haven't told her much about what's going on with me right now - it would just hurt more for me to be insensitive to her pain while reveling in my new found relationship. I wouldn't rub salt in anybody's wounds. Best thing I can do is be a friend, keep trying to point her in the right direction, and be a safe place for her to share her feelings. I've been blessed with an awesome support system during my roller coaster ride - least I can do is pay it forward, right?

I'll say this - revisiting my own pain by hearing of hers, keeps me grounded, keeps me real, and reminds me to appreciate the good stuff that much more. If there's something to be gained from another's pain, I think that's it. Wasn't so long ago I was agonizing too - circumstances were vastly different but I think the pain is very much the same.

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!