OK... I want everyone's input on exposure to the kids.

See my post above. Exposure is GOOD for kids. Affairs and divorce are BAD for kids.

Is there a possibility of damaging them more than they are being damaged by divorce. (So many have told my W that they have been through a divorce and the kids have come out fine... even better).

Divorce is devastating to kids. Adultery is harmful to kids. Exposure is not. Kids can deal with the truth, not lies.

I also need to find out about custody... and what happens if she refuses to let me see them after I expose.

She does not have the right to withhold your kids from you. At least it is that way in America. it is ILLEGAL in America. Not anymore than you could withhold your kids from her for her ADULTERY, a truly damaging activity.

Your kids need your moral guidance about their adultery lest they will grow up not knowing right from wrong. That would be a gross dereliction of duty.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101