I just didn't want to draw the boys into this messy business. I told WW all along that wouldn't happen. But I do see the necessity of it... just don't like it. But I like what she is doing even less.
I was reading again from Dr. Dobson's book "Tough Love" last night. It did say to not involve the kids... but that is only one opinion. Most of the rest of his ideas, though, seem to be excellent.

Not to belabor the point, but...

I don't think you're "drawing them in". They're already "involved" because they're part of the family.

If you and your wife had reconciled, I would have supported your decision not to tell your kids about her past affair. If you and your wife were unable to recover, but had split-up for reasons other than her affair, I'd say the same thing.

But your boys' lives are being directly affected by your wife's past and current "activites" with other men. At some point, they would have seen what is happening with this new guy. And eventually, they would either figure out what's been going on... and be angry with you for not telling them. Or, they would go through life wondering what the heck happened... and mistrusting their own instincts and judgement.

All that said, I do think it can be a fine line between simply revealing the truth... and involving the kids in an unhealthy way. "using them" if you will. From what I've read of your posts, I trust that you will continue to do what's best for them, and not cross that line.

Again, BRAVO!


"I require more from my spouse than behaving well in order to avoid pain." (guess who)