Mel.

thanks for asking about my sleep.

I am getting enough. I'm doing so much better than the last time around 2 years ago.

Most of my anxiety is over trying to sort out what are the right things to do... second-guessing myself.

I have the occassional very low moment... but after all the pain and work over the past couple of years... it just seems a whole lot easier this time.

...easier to open my eyes and see that she is not getting any better and her behavior is destructive to herself, and to her family.

...easier to see that this is not about me. I have been a good husband. This is totally her.

I was thinking today about how we really don't have any control over the situation. She may or may not come back to me... and it doesn't really matter what I do. (There are better and worse choices for my actions though) She might have the strength or life-changing moment in which she realizes where she has gone... and I hope there will be someone there to help her. But she might never see it and continue down her path.

She might live out the rest of her life with some form of happiness... going on holidays and spending time with friends. She might be "happy". But she will never know the gift of being faithful and having the respect of building a strong family.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!