My rebound relationship ended. It doesn't matter why. As a matter of fact, he was a complete gentleman and I can't fault or blame him in any way. It was doomed from the start. I am devastated, though I shouldn't be. We weren't together that long and I have no history with this guy. But the pain of the loss of my M is still there and this just reopenned all the wounds. I should be thankful for those few months when I didn't feel so utterly alone, when I felt worthwhile and when I felt needed by someone. I'm back to all the old fears. Loneliness topping the list. 3 days before Christmas to boot.

Let this not be in vain. Here were my mistakes:

1. I got involved way too soon. I didn't mean to get involved so soon. Neither did he, really. Circumstances as they were drove him to pursue me a little sooner than I was likely to be ready. OK fine. First date was not a problem. The following weekend, we had a second date Sat night. Also fine. He had promised his DD he would take her to Marineland the next day. At some point during this wonderful evening, he asked me to go. *****THIS WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I MADE****** I agreed. There was no need for me to go - it was supposed to be a time between him and DD. It was easy for him to bring me - I already knew DD since birth so there was no problem in introducing someone new to her. But there was no need for me to go. The whole day promised, and turned out to be, for DD - kiddie rides etc. I never, ever would have gone, except that I was so lonely at the time and the prospect of having a Sunday filled up (on a long weekend to boot) overcame my better judgement.

To summarize, don't accept anything extra. Even if the date is great, just take it home and savour it. Leave it until the next weekend, despite your crappy prospects for the next day.

2. It seemed as though after Marineland, we spent every available moment together. It was some time before we had sex - I thought that would be sufficient as far as "taking it slow". But Relationships aren't about sex. We held off on sex, but went full speed ahead on everything else. It was an illusion that I should have seen. I mean, I probably spent 10 nights at this man's house, in his bed, thinking that it was all ok because we weren't having sex.

3. Declaration of love - of course we eventually made ours. By this time, we were having sex. It was great sex - we were both lonely, needing someone, anyone, for companionship. It sure felt like love. As I write this I have a hard time believing that what I felt was any less than love. But lonelinesss was a huge underlying factor - that and the physical intimacy that we shared that seemed to wash away all the pain I had been feeling prior to the beginning of this relationship. What this did was generate a false security.

4. Eventually the honeymoon period ends for someone. He has been apart from his wife exactly 1 year longer than me. He has already had a "rebound" relationship that ended badly, which he was hurt from. He has learned a lot but not everything. I believe the honeymoon peroid ended for him before it did for me. So now he's stuck with someone who, while I satisfy some basic needs and drive off the loneliness, he doesn't need it that much anymore. He's adjusted to living on his own, being a single dad etc. The companionship is nice but it is not enough on its own. That would be fine, except I'm just not the one for him. Funny, we never had an arguement or anything. I just felt him pulling away, slightly. I confronted him and he was honest, saying he didn't really know how he felt. Within 2 weeks he decided I wasn't the one and we broke it off, rather respectfully - honestly I can't fault him or blame him for any foul play.

So now I'm back on my own, suffering a second loss over the first, at Christmas. Nothing I did here was MB principals. Not only did I not do the basics, I messed up in other ways. The day this rebound relationship officially ended, I called up W-STBXH and blasted him - totally ripped his head off. On the plus side, whatever guilt he might still feel prevented him from haning up and I got a good 30 minute tirade in before I hung up on him. But it was stupid as well. Now he knows how psychotic I am. He will probably enjoy many evenings sitting with OW mocking me over the mess I've made in my life - not to mention the validation that it's clear that he should have left me because even this other guy can't stand me etc.

So I sit here on a Saturday night, my first one alone in some time - and being alone is one of my biggest fears - and I'm half way through a bottle of Baileys and crying. I have made a mess of my life and it's too late to fix it. But maybe you can learn from my stupidity and it will be worthwhile. Please, please be carefull when you go out there. It's not just the sex predators and bar creeps. My guy was really decent and it still hurt. He wasn't only decent in the way he treated me, but decent in the way he broke up with me. I picked my stuff up today and he gave me a hug and said he was sorry. And he was sincere - and I don't say this out of residual feelings or anything - I actually lost a good one. A real good one. Because I wasn't ready. Because I didn't want to be alone. And now I am.