I get what you're saying Tabby. And actually it's only been in the past few years that I started thinking the way I do now about it. I remember when my daughters (and all their friends) were reading "I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" and thinking that might be a good idea for them but doubted that would work for me. (This was when WH first moved out and I was wondering whether this adultery would be the one that would finally kill our marriage... and what it would be like dating again...) But luckily since I didn't belive in dating before the divorce was final... AND I was sure that reconciliation was no longer a desired option... I had plenty of time to get to know men better without dating them in the popular way.
I was actually worried about how it was going to be possible to ever get a guy interested enough to want to make a committment, let aloen knwo whether or not I liked him well enough, without doing the dating game.
But now, years later, I feel confident that sort of dating isn't needed before a committment is made.
Luckily for me, one of the men who is interested is one of my bosses. So he can't ask me out on a date anyway. Meanwhile we have gotten to know each other pretty well without spending time alone together AND without even doing anything together that could cause problems at work! Nothing we've said or done with each other is something we couldn't say or do if either of us were married in fact. We aren't anywhere near the EA level even. Plus a lot of his realtives, and all of my daughters work there too. So I get to see this man interracting with his relatives and my daughters without making making any further committment yet. (Keeping in mind that from my POV spending time alone with a man IS a committment level I reserve for only those men where there is a mutual interest in marriage.)
Also, some of the single men I know are through church or homeschool connections. So the concept of not employing the typical dating scene is not some strange foreign notion to them. They've already read the same books. It helps a lot that homeschoolers aren't 'age-ists', we tend to socialize in family groups so all the parents know their kids friends extended families! Being from a big family I really like that and it just happens to facilitate getting to know people in their natural surroundings better.
Other single men i've met are through ballroom dance. And since I was the adult, still-married, chaperone taking the teens to the dances for the first few years, most of those guys already know I'm not there to be 'picked-up' LOL. Before the divorce was final I wouldn't even let those guys sit at our table with us because of the teen girls I was trying to keep an eye on LOL (and because I was sitll married). I might dance with them occasionally but then when they tried to plop down next to me I would tell them I was still married and only there to chaperone the kids and for the dance lessons for myself.
We haven't been going to Ballroom dance lately because of my work (and work-related sore feet LOL).
I have had some men ask me out on dates. But of course before the divorce was final I said no. Some of those men occasionally still ask me if I'm ready to date yet... I usually don't try to explain the whole not-dating concept to them. I just say 'not yet' and then continue just being friends with them for now. Some quickly lose interest but that's OK with me since I ONLY want to marry a man who is SO interested in me that waiting wouldn't scare him away LOL.
Last edited by meremortal; 01/07/08 10:55 AM.