One last thought Patriot because I don't want to pound on you

A few years back there was a "character" on this web site who controlled his wife by posting provocative questions designed to excuse or endorse his behavior. His wife had been so beaten down about questions she would "dare" to ask about his behavior and so-called recovery (not) and over all, there was quite a sense that their marriage could not and would not be saved without a total personality change.

I've watched you post here for quite some time now (years) reserving judgment, but with a growing sense that you could become the next SNL - you are not as depraved (yet) toward your wife - but you could if you continue on this path.

Set aside your pride. Deal with your issues about control. You will find that life has quite the sweet rewards once you deal with your fear about surrender.

Cafe Plan B link

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.