Are there flaws? Are they fatal flaws?

Yes and yes. The flaw is putting your pride and fears before your BW's pain. And yes, that is a fatal flaw in a marriage.

You want to change your behavior? When you get home, get on your knees and beg her forgivess for putting her through this hale. Then ask her to write down for you what she needs from you and then break your back to do everything on that list, and then some.

And by doing this you won't be meeting her "demands", you'll be meeting her "needs" so that she can fall in love with you again.

Want to start tonight?

Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.