Ah-ha...I wasn't sure, so I was waiting for clarification! (giggling a little, can't help it!)

OK, so she is throwing a bunch of fog babble bullchit and putting up smoke screens to throw you off course. May I suggest that if she wants an "enhancement" let her have it if you can afford it. It will give you a chance to keep her under your roof and dependant on you to take care of her. GREAT Plan A opportunity here.

The problem is that she is in no position to make demands, although she THINKS she is....ignore it. Just totally ignore all of her posturing, because it means very little right now. She is in the "too cool for you" stage of recovery and you just need to put her on ignore and keep Plan A-ing. You must create some boundaries for yourself, though, so that she does not lose respect for you. I would learn the reverse babble-VERY important because it throws the blame back on her without making you sound like an a-hole.

You must learn loving detachment during this period or she will succeed in baiting you every chance she gets. She will do this to justify her A to herself and "prove" that you are some sort of jerk. DON'T LET HER GET TO YOU!!! You must be JOE COOL right now. Seriously, sit down and look through some old pics of yourself from "back in the day" when she first fell for you and try to channel that guy. Do you best to remain calm and upbeat at all times. I really think you can do this, because you don't seem like an overly "reactionary" type person. Make sure you do NOT miss opportunities when their are breaks in the fog, though. When you start to see vulnerability, drop the "act" and make sure you show her how much you adore and love her. Cry with her, talk about things like "cherish" and "remember when" and the whole "life apart" scenario.

What is the "life apart" scenario? You need to make a list of things that you want to be sitting next to her for, holding her hand and sharing the experience together, not seperately....kids graduations, weddings, holidays etc. You want to do these things together as a family, not from across the aisle. Remind her that every other holdiay (Christmas) the kids would be with YOU and she would be ALONE, and quickly follow up with "I want us to share these times together, not on a court schedule." Stuff like that. Write her letters that tell her how much you miss your talks and walks and intimate times. How beautiful/sexy you think she is. Make sure while your face-to-face encounters are "cool" (NO BEGGING, PLEADING, NO CONSTANT "I LOVE YOU") but then you also leave little notes around to show her that you really do care. And DON'T miss those moments of fog clearing!!!!!!

Come on now, BDA (or BAD mamajama), time to get on your suit of armor, learn reverse babble, find that cool cat she fell in love with, and ignore the fog babble.


FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story