I'm still trying to figure out why I allowed it to happen.

This is real important. It's key to protecting your weaknesses. When you come to understand why, you will be able to prevent the same conditions, that enabled the A, from happening again. Main thing is don't allow any other man to meet your top ENs, or really any ENs if possible.

Keep going.

DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery