So here's what we came up with. She's is angry, upset and in no way ready to think about getting back into the marriage. She's too afraid of what may happen and doesn't think there is a way for us to fix things or make them better for us. Here's what he suggested: stay away from marriage talk, speak with her about things that can help her be happy again. Tell her that we can find things to help her be happy again and that there are ways (and he told me to say this by quote) "there is a way for you to be in love with the father of your children again". Let her know that I am more concerned with her happiness and health right now than anything else, and truthfully, I am. He asked me to tell her that he wanted to speak to her (I don't know how that will go over) he said present it in a very non-threatening or condecescending way. "I spoke with a guy who is a marriage coach, he has some very good ideas that I think we should look into. We aren't unique, our situation is repeated thousands of times a day. I feel like we have enough riding on this that we should explore everything we can and give it a shot. I really think he can help you see things from a diferent angle and maybe present you with some things that can help YOU be happy again."

I just don't know, she was so adamant about not needing to talk to anyone, at least she actually said that MAYBE she should, but still screamed about "what is that going to do for me, they can't make me feel better, they can't make these feelings go away" I don't know, I do know that if she doesn't get help from somewhere or someone, we don't stand a chance, there is too much junk on both of us. We're not even close to strong enough to wade through everything without outside help. I pray that she can see that some day. I doing my part, I really think I'm getting better about everything, but the more I see, the more discouraged I get about her. She's banking our entire relationship and life on what she feels will happen "naturally". I can only do so much.

All in all I think we had a good discussion. I feel a little disappointed that it really won't do much good without her participation. I already knew that. It's so depressing to know that there is a way, there is a path to happiness, there is a way to make things right, to help us be happy again and get us on the path to recovery, but one of us is just being so stubborn. Can't make a decision on whether this is important enough to make the effort, which is causing a little resentment on my part. If she doesn't feel our family and marriage and kids are important enough to do EVERYTHING humanly possible to make it right, then maybe I shouldn't waste my energy, energy I could use to heal and start on my own path. Just another oe of the million thoughts that go through my head everyday, we'll see.

Ciao
hope you weekend is good...


FWH/BS (me)42, FBS/WW 39, married 18 yrs, WW A discovered 3/03/2008, my A discovered 06/2003