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Joined: Sep 2008
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SO here I am. I have been married for 20 years to the same man this June. I have been with this same man since I was 14 and he was 17. We are each other firsts and Onlys..[I thought]
My husband has had a few times where I have caught him flirting with my friends and Once when we had been married for 7 years actually talked to one of my friends and "talked" about getting together to have some fun. She outed him and we almost divorced over that incident. He worked very hard for forgiveness after that and we went on to have another child together making it 3 wonderful kids. WE had a wonderful marriage I thought, and had sex 2 to 3 times a week.. never missing really ever. Did mostly everything together, called several times a day.

We started a relationship with a couple who soon became our best friends. We were always together! Soon I notice that my best friend is on a diet and so is my husband. The more he lost weight the more I noticed that he was putting more time into himself and how he looked. I had my suspicions and asked point blank if he was having feeling for my BF. Can I say that the best friend and her Husband are the pastor and pastors wife of our church? So he tells me NO I am not having feelings.. shes not my type,, I don't even like her really.. blah . I get to the point where I can't stand it and keep turning down going out with them anymore really. I broke the friendship down.
Since I worked with my BF my husband was still seeing her and I had this feeling continue.I was on my husband all the time who said it was all in my head.
Some months later she made a comment to him and He WENT nuts on her. He was very angry over this silly situation and I could not understand it, at all. I think it was just some kind of crush that went no where, and thanked God it was done.. i was crushed but he would not admit to anything!!
About a year goes by and here I find myself starting to get close to my BF again. She and her Husband seem like they are in love.She talked often about him and how they were doing so great. We start being friends with them again but this time feel like there is nothing there with her and my Husband. They did talk, joke together but felt OK about it. I get a call about 4 months after our friendship started again and she tells us they are expecting. I was so happy for them and My husband just seemed in shock. He could not believe she would get pregnant again with all her kids.. really said nothing other than that.

Her whole pregnancy we got closer and closer with them. Could not wait to see the baby.Just weeks before the birth of the baby I caught my husband was very much involved at looking at porn and flirting with women behind my back,, I was devastated and kicked him out ..Upon his return he admitted so many things about thinking what it would be like to be with another woman since I was his only one..looking at women.. that he was indeed guilty of having feelings those years ago for my BF but had not for Years.He had such guilt about it al.. it was only about a month long. She felt the same but nothing ever happened. I confront best friend and she said she never felt anything for my husband. I felt like she was lying.
My husband came clean with so much I believed him when he said nothing happened.I dealt with this very hard time and was working it out with husband. We went to the birth and was called "aunt and Uncle" from the start.

Just feel in love with the baby and had him all the time. Husband loved baby and held him often.He would often say Let's go get the baby..I get a call from BF and she said Why does John [my h] not pick up his cell anymore? I was thinking when have you called him before? I ask husband and he says "she's losing it".SO I am still not over all the things I found out and went to do some searching.Now in all this time, since finding my husband secrets, we are going to counseling.. he is "heartbroken" over the things he did and just the fact that he started to have feeling for this woman. It was years before and it seemed to break him up now. I really believed him. We were close to this couple and loved their baby..I forgave them both. So as I am searching INTERNET cell phone bills on the couch next to my husband I search his cell phone records. all the recent months were clean.. at first and there was her number! OMG one call to her then a few minutes later to me. 40 min call her..3 min here.. back and forth. I went back and looked at this had been happing since we "rekindled" our friendship.. which means before she was pregnant! I went nuts to say the least. HE denied the calls! He said there was a mix up cause he was NEVER called her once!He had no reason and that he would not do that to me. I really just was so overwhelmed I could not see strait. I called the phone company and um, no nothing wrong with a mix up.. Of course not. My husband is just going nuts that the calls are not his..over and over.following day I am with him at home and guess who calls? Her! I answer and she says ?"there you are,, I thought you would be with him"I asked why did she not call my phone? she said she did but no answer.LIE. He said I don't know why she called me.have you told her what is going on? Maybe she is making you jelious? OK! sure..

So I send her a text message next day on his phone and said U there?
she sent back just the letter "A"
I sent back A?
and then nothing.. now I think it was some code he would have known.

I am starting to wonder now... Is the baby MY HUSBANDS??? How do I find out? How do I find out if he is doing something??? I need help. My world is coming to an end. I cannot tell you what this is doing to me. My husband just cries and cries saying he would never do this to me and the kids.. He will take a lie d. test to prove it.
what is my next step? I have to know what to do!!!

Last edited by justme22; 09/13/08 01:56 AM.
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JM22,

First off, sorry that you are here. It's not a club that anyone wants to join.

It seems like the answer to your question is pretty easy. He has offered to take a lie detector test. Take him up on the offer. Call his bluff. He will either go through with it and you will get the answers you need or he will back out of it which will really tell you what you need to know as well.

Good luck!

Mindshare

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Sorry you are here...

Do take advantage of all these articles esp. "Surviving an affair"

Keep records of messages dates and times where at all possible. Exposure to her husband will be key to the development of unraveling this affair.

I am concerned that your husband demonstrates an unhealthy disloyalty trend.

Call him on the polygraph. Would be nice to get OW to audition too...


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Is there really any excuse not to go over silently, hold the baby, and get a piece of his hair or saliva and pay %89.00 and do the testing? You dont have to tell anyone.

https://www.homedna.com/paternity_test.html?src=google

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This is wierd. Why would he want to babysit this baby all the time when he has three kids of his own.

Pre my A my exhusband and I were best friends with a couple. She and I were like sisters. I mean tight. Hung out together and talked on the phone everyday and emails. She got preganant two months after I did. When our daughters were both born we all hung out together all the time. Would I offer to babysit if she needed me to? Of course. I know my exhusband thought her daughter was great but he would never take it upon himself to go get the baby and keep her.

That's just wierd. I don't think most men are wired that way.

You need a lie detector test and the DNA sample wouldn't be too bad either.

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I totally agree with Stella and was going to suggest that as well. A home DNA test is not that expensive considering the closure that you can get.

If the baby is NOT his, what can you do to get away from this couple? Change jobs, change phone numbers, etc. It sounds like there is continued contact.


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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A guy? ASKING his wife if they could go and spend time with "SOMEONE ELSES" infant child, as in crying, pooping, peeing, screeching, fussing infant child.....thats "not" his??

Wheww.....thats a stretch. Was he head over heels, "I wish I could breastfeed" "Lets go buy a daddytatty" kind of new dad with your 3 other kids?

And when you look at ALL THE TIMES you found suspicious evidence and all he had to say was " I swear it wasn't me..."....man, I don't know....


ANd don't let the fact that he said he would take a lie detector throw you off. I guess a ton of them say no problem at first only to change as the date approached.

Hair for the dna sounds like a plan to me.........


Oh yeah. Dump that couple like a bad habit.

Last edited by gabagool; 09/14/08 11:40 PM.
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OK So my kids are older. My youngest is 7 and My husband wants a baby badly! Yes, he is the kind of father that loves babies and had them all the time. The whole time my friend was Pregnant he was begging me to have another. We all waited for this baby to come.. so I think that in times of boardem is when he would say lets go get the baby.. we took him places together and "pretended" we were mom and Dad..:) He is in no way obsessed with this baby but did show a desire to be with him.
Most men are not this way, your right. I THOUGHT he was very much a family man.. yeah,wake up from that dream.

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My husband said last night he will gladly do the DNA testing and CLEAR HIS NAME once and for all. He was not happy at all. He is very pissed that he is "waisting" his money on a test that is Not necessary when you can look at the baby and see its nothing like his other kids.. Well, duh stupid- [censored] its a different mother..Plus he had the Balls to say "I wouldn't be so stupid not to use a condom if I ever did cheat".. That did not go over well at ALL.
SO we are doing the test this week.. he can pay for it and I don't give one little rip about it.

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SO My house is Upside down right now. I am ripping my husband around the clock and making it clear if I find our ANYTHING at all happened with this OW he is out of the house. My older Kids made it clear that if there is anything going on with this OW the relationship is DONE with him and he is( in no lack of words) going out of his mind. He swore to me and My children that nothing ,other than having a "crush" on her 2 years ago, has went on with him and Her. He can't explain the phone calls.. he says he has no idea what is going on but has not talked to her. I DINT believe a word and neither do My kids.
My Son is hiding tmr and going to follow my husband around while I am away from the house..I am just afraid what will happen if he see's his father doing something. I told him NO way this is my deal but he says no this is a family deal. My H has no reason to do this. We are a happy family and I know he is happy here.. I think this all has to do with not being with other people. My Friend has also never been with another man so I think this drove them together. Plus her husband is overweight to the point that she talks about not wanting to have sex with him ever...But wants to hear about my sex life to the point that its just plain wierd...I think she has let this take over her rational thoughts.
Just let me find something out and I will unleash the hounds!!!

Last edited by justme22; 09/15/08 08:20 PM.
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Even if the baby ISN'T his, if I were you, I would brace for some unsettling news. It just all doesn't sound kosher.

That test, make sure you are present for ALL of it. Give him NO chance of switching something or pulling something......If someone gets desperate enough, he or she will do anything.

Good Luck.


Oh, and your kids right. It IS a family matter. Whenever a spouse messes around the kids should know and VOICE whatever they want.


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