Catperson,

Interesting perspective I will have to give this some thought.

But I still question his motive knowing his reputation. He may feel that he may not judge him but will leave him out to dry for others to judge him. [censored] he was judging himself and was disappointed with himself and still is.

Yes I can be judgemental ...but [censored] who isn't about certain aspects of their lives....and you he may have gone to him out of fear of me judging him because he knew how I would feel about this and because of how I felt he truly believed I would have left him ( his own words to me) and he did not want to take that risk because he knew it was just a matter of time before the inevitable to happen and he was trying to postpone it.

I am not a perfect person and I mistakes as well but I have always been open and honest with my H about what I stood for , how I stood for it and where he stood with me good or bad and always let him know what I expected from him. My husband is not perfect and have accepted him in a lot of ways that even surprise me in regards to his personality , how he deals with things , his family ( much drama) and have made sacrifices for his sake and our families sake but never intentionally tried to gain some sort of gratification or have some need met at his expense.

The A ( he was warned about - an old girlfriend that always would find away to check in with him from time to time to see how he was doing and where she was in her life especially after a relationship did not work out and I told him early on that she had different intentions for him and if given the opportunity would jump on it to get what she truly wanted -him- which she did -she got him during rough patch of our marriage- by being accomodating, being the shoulder for him to lean on by being his friend) and this OC ( an intentional outcome of the old girlfriends-which she admitted- taking advantage of the opportunity by becoming vunerable and having weak boundaries- he had given her to trap him and get him to be with her) and the toxic friend ( a person that we had run ins with before about other more hurtful issues but still damaging) . Flat out violation against me and my boundaries and when issues would come up about my boundaries or the lack of respect he has for others or me I always told him why it was an issue for me, how it made me feel, asked him to put himself in my shoes and why he should not do it due to certain consequences and to please not let these types of issues escalate to things that are detrimental to me or us or even him and if it does I think I have every right to be judgemental because he was already warned via in depth , hurt feelings emotional discussions not arguements about what his actions say to me and how they make me feel and how it changes compromises certain aspects of our relationship in regards to trust , honesty, loyalty, intimacy, safety, and sex. These are the consequences of his actions and whether he did not want to be judged by me or not he had a moral obligation to tell me regardless...and he truly did not want to be judged why didn't he seek out a true third party that was a professional that truly would have tried to help him instead of making his , this situation worse.

So did he come to me afraid of me being judgemental or afraid of my reaction due to the history surrounding the circumstances...I think more so the reaction of me leaving!


BS
WH-(to old to know better)
COM- 2 DS (toddlers)
DDay- 4/28/08
OC- NC