gsd, like you my spouse already had a son when we got married, and I immediately tried to become his father. I struggled with incorporating my rules into their pre-existing life. Like you, I resented my spouse for not letting me just do that. She resented me for expecting her to change her relationship with her son.

I wish I hadn't tried to be a father so hard. Instead, I wish I had just loved him, earn his trust and became somebody he felt safe with, who he could depend on. My son was 2 at the time, but I still think it applies.

I agree with Cat about commuincation, but be prepared for the answer to be that you need to step back for awhile.

Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4