Originally Posted by KiwiJ
MacNut, I was meeting all his ENs.

Yep, that's the $60,000 question. How did I start an A when it went against everything I believed in? Circumstances. I've been over this quite a few times here (lol I've got 8000 posts) but it was at a time when our marriage had become difficult for the first time in 28 years (my H was suffering from severe depression from grief - losing his parents and my father all in one year). Enter old HS boyfriend completely out of the blue. That's it in a nutshell really.

I will be the first to admit that i am hard on FWSs so am apologizing now as this is not directed AT Jen but waywardness in general.

My FWH has talked a lot about "how much he had been through" prior to the A (we had some pretty traumatic things happen to us it seemed like every couple of months since 2005) and the start of his panic attacks post-A.

However when you really look at it all of these things happened to US, not just him and we helped one another through it just like we had for 23 years before. When you have been married for a long time your lives are intertwined so much that you both suffer together. So why in the heck does one spouse rip their betrayed spouse's heart out and the other spouse does not, i do not understand it at all.