What an interesting discussion. It's something I question at times. Does my FWH fundamentally have a weak character or does he have the ability to put aside a strong character to fulfill selfish wants?

I'm not sure which of the two options I prefer???

One thing I do know that he has always struggled with is empathy. He is a pain avoider and so will choose not to walk in another persons shoes so as to avoid feeling any sort of pain.

He doesn't read fiction because he doesn't "get" characters in the books, he doesn't listen to lyrics in songs; they wash over him, so music to him is never an emotional experience. I have never seen him cry at a sad film, agonising news report etc, because he just chooses not to put himself in a place where he might feel someone elses emotions/pain.

For me, it is that lack of empathy that in part led him to have his A. He NEVER put a moments thought into how I might feel when it was uncovered.

As soon as the A was discovered he went into a deep shock about what he had been capable of doing with complete and utter disregard. He is still shocked now, nearly 9 months later, and has had no choice but to face the consequences of what he has done, and possibly for the first time to walk in another persons shoes.

Let me clarify that he is not a narcissist, nor is he a psychopath. He was/is again a very giving and caring person who before the A had always put others needs before his own.

So what part does a lack of empathy play in having an A, and is it a weakness of character?


Me - BW
FWH - BB -(PA Jul 08 - Aug 08)
D-Day - 8 Aug 2008
Recovering nicely