Agreed, adultery is more than just a mistake.

Still, that doesn't take away from the point that what someone does after they engage in that behavior that is the most telling.

So if it's a cold, calculated choice and the WS justifies the choice, never acknowledging to those they've hurt how hurtful those choices were, then recovery is unlikely.

However, I would argue that for those who really do end the affairs, and commit to MB, they would say that their decision to engage in the affair WAS a mistake. The word mistake is used by some to minimize a persons blame in choosing a course of action. I.E. it was just a mistake, I'm human after all, let it go... kinda speech.

That's not the context I really speaking about when I use mistake. I mean CATASTROPHIC when I used the word mistake. As in if I had it to do over again, I would not make the same choices. It was a mistake to choose that way.

So I don't think the word mistake is bad. In fact, for those who come out of an affair with a stronger character, I think mistake is one of many words that can be used to describe the decision to have an affair.

So to return to my main point, character matters and character is built. It's more important to examine a spouses character AFTER the affair, than it is to argue about if they had character or not before.

Some did, some didn't. Some had a mature character, some only thought their character was mature. But the most important thing is are they engaged in a program to strengthen their character so they don't repeat the same hurtful behavior in the future.

That's what demonstrates true character.

Like most other things in life, character is seldom a destination, but a journey.

The question is, which direction are you headed?