Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
I came to a totally different conclusion reading that story.

To me it's sad that the guy wishes his mom would learn to be caring and thoughtful, but not his dad.


Maybe his dad is already caring and thoughtful, or at least more so than his mom.

It is pretty selfish to say I didn't really find you attractive, so I'm going to leave you now.

Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay


He feels mad today, so he thinks about calling his mom to chew her out, and decides instead to look to see if there is someone is his mom's position. Instead of looking at what he can do for himself in his own life. His dad "wants to be a better man," but he is still "such a loser in so many ways."


But you are leaving out a key part

Quote:

and he has changed in many good ways over the years, which I attribute a lot to my step-mom's unselfish ways that she serves him and loves him, even when he doesn't deserve it.


So it's more than just wanting to be better, he is actually accomplishing it.

Meanwhile mom is still "wanting to be happy" but is looking externally for that, instead of changing her approach.

Why discount what a young man who probably lived every day with his mom has to say about her? He likely knows her very well.

She quit, his step mom did the work.

No spouse is perfect, so why expect them to be?
Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay


Daisy, I like you, but I am *so* at a loss as to how this woman's life would have been better off by staying, how this would encourage someone who found the spouse unattractive to begin with. The moral I get from this story is that it's better to cut your losses, because even if this man were married to a saint, he'd still be "such a loser in so many ways."


Your life isn't better because of the other person. Your life is better because of your personal approach. If you take responsibility for your own happiness, instead of expecting another to hand it to you, like they owe you happiness, then you'll likely have a healthy approach to marriage.

Mom certainly wasn't marriage building. By leaving, she said she had zero concern for her husband's happiness. There's no POJA, no meeting needs, no avoiding LB in a decision like that.

So even if dad had faults, her approach did nothing to make for a happy marriage for either herself or her husband.